How my life has changed since pregnancy

You know how people say that life changes dramatically when you get pregnant? More so for the women than the men? I never really sat down to think about such life changes. Today seems like a good day to do so.

Apart from the physical aspect which I blog in my Whale-ly updates, lots of changes have been taking place in the emotional and psychological person as well.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was elated. I kept thanking God that I was pregnant again! But deep inside, there was this inhibitor, something that kept me from rejoicing totally. The previous miscarriage still weight heavily on me, and there was a sense that this was so surreal.

Weeks after that I caught myself taking extra care of my body, taking slower steps down the stairs, not running, not shouting, not carrying heavy things, which is hard for me to do... See, I am a workaholic as Justin would say. I cannot sit still and watch while there are things left undone. I need to do them. So for me to slow down my pace, and to need to ask for help when it comes to carrying things or doing basic housework, is torture. It made me feel helpless. I felt needy, and as though I was a burden. Till now I still can't function perfectly at work, I get bouts of nausea, gastric reflux, dizziness, and lethargy that makes me even more helpless.

Then there's this morphing body to deal with... my tummy and waist areas have risen up to declare that they exist. As a result, I feel fat and unattractive. Big blow to the self esteem... People say pregnant women glow. Yeah right... I'm sure they weren't refering to the first trimester preggers. For me, there's no glow in sight. Clothes are getting tighter, and there's only so many loose pieces I have. =/

But inspite of all the horrid feelings I've been experiencing, there's also this sense of calm and thankfulness... that I have been given this precious gift. People tell me that this thankfulness comes full blow when I hold my baby in my arms for the first time. I'll wait till then to confirm that. =D

Relationship wise, it's been different too... as I mentioned, because of the myriad of things I cannot do, Justin has to pitch in and take on my part. It's not very nice to feel like I'm not contributing as much and to watch the other partner burn out faster due to the many responsibilities that require his attention.

Sometimes I wish I could celebrate this pregnancy like I envisioned I would. But I guess that may have to wait till the second trimester? I hope...

So in short, life has changed quite a bit... even though my baby is less than 1 inch CRL now, he/she is sure making a great impact on every aspect of his/her mommy's life.