Thus was my reaction when I did a recent 'stock count' of my milk production. 260 ounces in the freezer, 12 ounces in the fridge. That's a total of 272 ounces since I got my Medela Freestyle pump (absolutely love it!!!) when Alyssa was 6 weeks old. She's turning 15 weeks tomorrow and that marks the 9th week of my electric pumping journey
Looking back at the days prior to the pump, I had a manual Medela one which required 40 minutes of non stop squeezing on the lever to yield a total of 2 ounces of milk! I religiously did that for a whole 6 weeks, round the clock, every 2 hours. How I managed to remain sane? God's grace! I remember praying before each pump, for God to bless my factories and enable them to do what they were made to do. 9 weeks down the line, my freezer is living testimony of His providence and grace! =)
Now I get an average of 5-7 ounces per pump session if I pump every 4 hours. Some days I get busy and stretch it to a 6 hour gap, I can get up to 10 ounces. So far the record has been 11 ounces! *clap clap*. I run the pump for an average of 6 sessions per day, so that's an average of 30 ounces minimum per day. So far Alyssa drinks about 24-26 ounces per day. Still hoping for her to up her intake.
With the pumping routine well established, I've set a goal to keep providing her breastmilk till she's 1. Still haven't worked out when I'll start cutting down on pumps sessions to wean my factories off.
Which then brings me to the next issue - solids!!! I first got excited when Karlyn's mom bought me a baby recipe book! Browsing through the many recipes got me all excited!! So what occupies whatever free time I have now is reading up about solids. From what I can gather, 6 months is a good time to start. Introducing solids too early has its risks. So, as it stands, 6 months is the mark.
What I especially like about the whole breast pumping and solid food making scenario, is the great sense of achievement gained from being able to provide for my daughter. I am really amazed at God's design. The more I read about pureeing, the greater my delight! I'm getting goosebumps just typing this! But that said, I've read that some moms really dislike the pureeing stage. Only way for me to find out is when Alyssa gets to 6 months and I try it out on my own.
I'm an Exclusively Pumping Mommy.
Title says it all... I never knew there was a term for it, but after spending days getting used to the routine, I desperately needed some guidance and referred to the great oracle - Google. Lo and behold, I realised I am not alone!! There's a huge network of other exclusive pumpers out there.
Before I go any further let me first explain what exclusively pumping means. Basically, it's when a mommy feeds breastmilk to her baby via bottle, not breast... in other words, baby's not fed through the tap so to say. Why? Many reasons actually, premies are at the top of the list, followed by nipple and latch problems. Mine's the latter.
My first breastfeeding experience was a nightmare and left me trying so very hard to hold in my tears. I knew beforehand that my nipples would create a problem with latching on, but there was hope that maybe the baby could learn how to latch on, or maybe towards the end of pregnancy my nipples would resemble that or normal ones. But it never happened. Baby was hungry, lactation consultant was there to teach the proper latch on. I held baby in my arms, she was ready to go, mouth opened wide, I put her to breast and she just couldn't latch on... after a few more tries... she burst out into a scream... and my heart just dropped. I could not do the single more natural thing - breastfeed... I could not provide for my hungry baby.
Next few days, I still tried. Until one day I just gave up. Back at home, I had my medela pump, and I got to work trying to make my milk come. Day 4, it came. Pumping was exhilarating!! I saw trickles of whitish fluid emerging and it clicked, I CAN produce milk after all!! The rest is history.
It's been almost a month and half now of exclusive pumping. Here's the drill... I pump almost every 2 hours, feed, then wash and sterilize everything. Day and night. The number of hours of sleep I get? about 4 hours of interrupted sleep. It's a lonely journey... I'm up with the sounds of her hunger whimpers, I head downstairs to retrieved refridgerated milk, put it in the warmer, and feed (which take her 30-40 mins sometimes), then proceed to pumping (which takes another 30-40 mins), then wash and sterilize, and get back to sleep... only to be awaken about 1+hours later. It's certainly God's grace that has brought me through these nights of sleep deprivation... And what's more challenging is that on top of juggling all this... I have to ensure I get enough "rest" so my milk production maintains. I find this rather hillarious... the irony. =/
Found something uplifting today while reading other pumping mommy's blogs for support... Entitled "Cows with names produce more milk" (hilarious!!)
I go back to work in 2 days. I do not know how I am going to fair juggling work, feeds, pumping, and keeping my health and sanity in check. I can more or less envision how things may turn out, but everyone knows reality may differ greatly. Only way to find out is to dive in. Not like I have any other choice.
I shall heed the advice and be nice to myself. For today, that means not bothering about whether the dishes are done, clothes are hung, floor is swept... for today it means not bothering whether or not I smile or make life easier for some people.. for today.. it means I just want to take a break! I'm a cow with a name for goodness' sake!! And this sleep deprived, highly stressed cow needs a well deserved break and a pat on the back for a month + of work well done.
On a side note, I absolutely dislike it when people keep probing about my breastfeeding attempts. I shall articulate it to the world here... I am exclusively pumping, breastfeeding doesn't work for me and the baby.I am already doing the BEST I can, the BEST I know how... So let me be. please!
Before I go any further let me first explain what exclusively pumping means. Basically, it's when a mommy feeds breastmilk to her baby via bottle, not breast... in other words, baby's not fed through the tap so to say. Why? Many reasons actually, premies are at the top of the list, followed by nipple and latch problems. Mine's the latter.
My first breastfeeding experience was a nightmare and left me trying so very hard to hold in my tears. I knew beforehand that my nipples would create a problem with latching on, but there was hope that maybe the baby could learn how to latch on, or maybe towards the end of pregnancy my nipples would resemble that or normal ones. But it never happened. Baby was hungry, lactation consultant was there to teach the proper latch on. I held baby in my arms, she was ready to go, mouth opened wide, I put her to breast and she just couldn't latch on... after a few more tries... she burst out into a scream... and my heart just dropped. I could not do the single more natural thing - breastfeed... I could not provide for my hungry baby.
Next few days, I still tried. Until one day I just gave up. Back at home, I had my medela pump, and I got to work trying to make my milk come. Day 4, it came. Pumping was exhilarating!! I saw trickles of whitish fluid emerging and it clicked, I CAN produce milk after all!! The rest is history.
It's been almost a month and half now of exclusive pumping. Here's the drill... I pump almost every 2 hours, feed, then wash and sterilize everything. Day and night. The number of hours of sleep I get? about 4 hours of interrupted sleep. It's a lonely journey... I'm up with the sounds of her hunger whimpers, I head downstairs to retrieved refridgerated milk, put it in the warmer, and feed (which take her 30-40 mins sometimes), then proceed to pumping (which takes another 30-40 mins), then wash and sterilize, and get back to sleep... only to be awaken about 1+hours later. It's certainly God's grace that has brought me through these nights of sleep deprivation... And what's more challenging is that on top of juggling all this... I have to ensure I get enough "rest" so my milk production maintains. I find this rather hillarious... the irony. =/
Found something uplifting today while reading other pumping mommy's blogs for support... Entitled "Cows with names produce more milk" (hilarious!!)
And I think about how we breastfeeding human moms run ourselves ragged. We get so little sleep. If we go back to work then we are especially burning the candle at both ends. Not to mention how hard the exclusively pumping moms are working. It's not easy. But we do it anyway because we know it's important.If this is you, be nice to yourself. And realizing you are worth being treated well and making sure that you are treated that way just may help you produce more, too.
Source
I go back to work in 2 days. I do not know how I am going to fair juggling work, feeds, pumping, and keeping my health and sanity in check. I can more or less envision how things may turn out, but everyone knows reality may differ greatly. Only way to find out is to dive in. Not like I have any other choice.
I shall heed the advice and be nice to myself. For today, that means not bothering about whether the dishes are done, clothes are hung, floor is swept... for today it means not bothering whether or not I smile or make life easier for some people.. for today.. it means I just want to take a break! I'm a cow with a name for goodness' sake!! And this sleep deprived, highly stressed cow needs a well deserved break and a pat on the back for a month + of work well done.
On a side note, I absolutely dislike it when people keep probing about my breastfeeding attempts. I shall articulate it to the world here... I am exclusively pumping, breastfeeding doesn't work for me and the baby.I am already doing the BEST I can, the BEST I know how... So let me be. please!
Mommy Diaries Entry 2
I'm almost through the day alone with Alyssa!
Confinement is done, mom is gone, and I'm left alone with Alyssa. I think we did quite well today! =D
Short short updates:
Confinement - I actually enjoyed my confinement. The food was awesome actually =D But towards the last week, I decided I shall stay away from ginger and sesame oil for a while. Credits to my mom and mother in law for cooking up a storm of wonderfully delicious food breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Oooo the only part of confinement I absolutely disliked was the "not being allowed to bathe" part. Which I only adhered to for the first 6 days.. yes... 6 days of no bath!! Yuck!
Baby's milestones - My girl's neck is VERY STRONG. She could lift her neck on her own at day 4! And now, (1 month) she can lift her head and back (sometimes aided by her legs to kick up on me) for a good 1 min! Amazing right?? I'm so proud! She is very inquisitive (from her daddy). She loves loves loves to just observe. Many times the best way to sooth her is to take her around and show her new things, especially new faces. She was so amazed and glued to the many many new faces she saw yesterday!
She is a VERY noisy sleeper. Lots of grunts, snorts, yelps.. you name it... she does it in her sleep!! Gosh, this started in her 2nd week and Justin and I were so worried we stayed up all night just checking on her.. only to read from the net that it's perfectly normal =/
Her night time feeds are... well.. not so routine yet.. at times she wakes every 2 hours for feeds, at times (like last night) she wakes only once at 3am, and then again at 7am... so that's real great! But I still wake every 2 hours to express milk. =/
Hm.. I think these are all the important updates. Don't really have time to really blog though. To the joys of parenthood (I am not sarcastic here) =)
Confinement is done, mom is gone, and I'm left alone with Alyssa. I think we did quite well today! =D
Short short updates:
Confinement - I actually enjoyed my confinement. The food was awesome actually =D But towards the last week, I decided I shall stay away from ginger and sesame oil for a while. Credits to my mom and mother in law for cooking up a storm of wonderfully delicious food breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Oooo the only part of confinement I absolutely disliked was the "not being allowed to bathe" part. Which I only adhered to for the first 6 days.. yes... 6 days of no bath!! Yuck!
Baby's milestones - My girl's neck is VERY STRONG. She could lift her neck on her own at day 4! And now, (1 month) she can lift her head and back (sometimes aided by her legs to kick up on me) for a good 1 min! Amazing right?? I'm so proud! She is very inquisitive (from her daddy). She loves loves loves to just observe. Many times the best way to sooth her is to take her around and show her new things, especially new faces. She was so amazed and glued to the many many new faces she saw yesterday!
She is a VERY noisy sleeper. Lots of grunts, snorts, yelps.. you name it... she does it in her sleep!! Gosh, this started in her 2nd week and Justin and I were so worried we stayed up all night just checking on her.. only to read from the net that it's perfectly normal =/
Her night time feeds are... well.. not so routine yet.. at times she wakes every 2 hours for feeds, at times (like last night) she wakes only once at 3am, and then again at 7am... so that's real great! But I still wake every 2 hours to express milk. =/
Hm.. I think these are all the important updates. Don't really have time to really blog though. To the joys of parenthood (I am not sarcastic here) =)
The Mommy Diary - Entry 1: Week 3
Today was a good day =) Despite only having about 3 hours of sleep, for met was a good day =)
Spent half the day home alone with Alyssa. Mom's at camp and Justin was at work I sorta dreaded tday in fear that I wouldn't be able to cope. But thank God all went well. Hooray!
I know I have to sorta make a note of the past 3 weeks, because they flew by! And before I know it, I'd forgotten lots of things.
So I shall place a note here on the things I have to blog about and actually write when I have the time.
1. weekly highlights
2. feelings/thoughts
3. the confinement experience
till I find the time to blog, tata!
Spent half the day home alone with Alyssa. Mom's at camp and Justin was at work I sorta dreaded tday in fear that I wouldn't be able to cope. But thank God all went well. Hooray!
I know I have to sorta make a note of the past 3 weeks, because they flew by! And before I know it, I'd forgotten lots of things.
So I shall place a note here on the things I have to blog about and actually write when I have the time.
1. weekly highlights
2. feelings/thoughts
3. the confinement experience
till I find the time to blog, tata!
The Personal God
Exactly 365 days. That's how long the wait took.
20th May 2009 was a day my heart felt it was ripped into a million pieces. My eyes cried till they could no longer cry, and my head ached with every thought that came. I had questions - many... anger - so much... And what followed were months of silence until one Sunday, 2 months later, all I was told was "just a little longer, just a little longer". I held onto this, not knowing for sure if it was my desperate heart speaking or the gentle whisper of my Lord.
20th May 2010 was the date my gynae set for the C-section. It rang a bell straight away... It was a day I was wondering how I'd spend seeing it was the day we realised we lost our first child. Seems that God had it all planned... it was supposed to be a day of mourning, but He turned it into dancing. It was supposed to be a day of gloom, but He turned it into a day of rejoicing! Still my hard head and skeptical mind thought... "what a coincidence... maybe this wasn't really divine intervention, maybe it was just coincidental...after all... we don't even know if baby is ready to be brought into the world... the C-sect may just be us yanking her out prematurely".
I thought this until 5.15am on 20th May 2010 when my waters broke... then I knew... I knew she was ready, and I knew this was God. He had it all planned... And we never saw it coming...
365 days was how long we had to wait... truly Father, it was just a little longer.
This is the personal God I know and love... Lord, You who made the heavens and the earth would stoop down to earth to plan and orchestrate something so "small" just for us... You knew our heart's desires and You chose to bless us this way... There is none like You.
I love You Lord, with all my heart I can truly say I love You.
We still miss our first baby. We always will... Death is temporary - that's the truth of Jesus. One day we will be reunited with him/her, we will know his/her face, get to hold him/her for all eternity. When that time comes, NOTHING can separate us again.
20th May 2009 was a day my heart felt it was ripped into a million pieces. My eyes cried till they could no longer cry, and my head ached with every thought that came. I had questions - many... anger - so much... And what followed were months of silence until one Sunday, 2 months later, all I was told was "just a little longer, just a little longer". I held onto this, not knowing for sure if it was my desperate heart speaking or the gentle whisper of my Lord.
20th May 2010 was the date my gynae set for the C-section. It rang a bell straight away... It was a day I was wondering how I'd spend seeing it was the day we realised we lost our first child. Seems that God had it all planned... it was supposed to be a day of mourning, but He turned it into dancing. It was supposed to be a day of gloom, but He turned it into a day of rejoicing! Still my hard head and skeptical mind thought... "what a coincidence... maybe this wasn't really divine intervention, maybe it was just coincidental...after all... we don't even know if baby is ready to be brought into the world... the C-sect may just be us yanking her out prematurely".
I thought this until 5.15am on 20th May 2010 when my waters broke... then I knew... I knew she was ready, and I knew this was God. He had it all planned... And we never saw it coming...
365 days was how long we had to wait... truly Father, it was just a little longer.
This is the personal God I know and love... Lord, You who made the heavens and the earth would stoop down to earth to plan and orchestrate something so "small" just for us... You knew our heart's desires and You chose to bless us this way... There is none like You.
I love You Lord, with all my heart I can truly say I love You.
We still miss our first baby. We always will... Death is temporary - that's the truth of Jesus. One day we will be reunited with him/her, we will know his/her face, get to hold him/her for all eternity. When that time comes, NOTHING can separate us again.
How it all happened
From my previous post, many would've known that Alyssa was scheduled to be delivered by C-section. Here's how it went.
19th May 2010
We "check-ed in" to SDMC at 7pm, Justin went to settle admission procedures while I was on the 3rd floor labor ward being briefed on the "events" that were to follow. I remember feeling excited on one hand yet jittery... All I remember telling myself was "where's my husband? I need my husband!" =) Justin came back shortly and we requested to leave for dinner.
Since this would be our "last" dinner before we become a family, we decided to splurge on something nice, God was so good! Of all the Jap restaurants (yes we love Jap food!), Justin picked a REALLY great one, price was right and food was simply superb! Had a nice reflective
dinner and headed back to the hospital.
It was disappointing, though we had registered our interest for a single room so Justin could stay the night, no single rooms were available... we spent the night just talking and cuddling until it was time for Justin to leave. We were still harboring hopes that baby would turn in the right position so I'll be spared the C-sect.
Dr. Tang came in at 11pm to check on me, and baby was still head up. *sigh* At that point, I prayed a prayer of release. I told God to do as He pleased, what was important was that I remained obedient because He had only our best in mind.
The night was horrid... being a very light sleeper, any noise would keep me awake... Imagine listening to the orchestra of snores throughout the night from my roommate. =/ And then when I could finally dose off, nurses would come and check for blood pressure and temperature. I remember texting my sister in UK and having her keep me company.
20th May 2010:
At 4am, contractions started, moderately strong period cramps that would come and go. I curled up into a ball on my side and tried to sleep. At 5.15am a gush of warm fluid greeted me. I jumped, and it clicked - my waters broke!!! This was really significant for me...because ever since being told I had to go through a C-sect, our greatest fears were that we'd be bringing our baby into the world earlier than she'd like. But my waters breaking that morning was taken as a sign from God of His reassurance that His timing is perfect. =) I shall blog about this in my next post. I called Justin and he rushed to hospital. It was wonderful having him by my side =)
Called for the nurse and she performed a check for cervix dilation - this was VERY uncomfortable!! I was 1 cm dilated. She then hooked me up on a CTG and I was told to count contractions. I had strong ones lasting 20 seconds, being 2 mins apart. If I remembered what I read, those were some pretty good contractions! Another nurse came in 30 mins later, and exclaimed, "Superb contractions! You can beat any woman in advance labor", I was 1.5cm dilated then. Oooh yes, the breathing techniques REALLY WORK. But playing Tetris worked even better!! hehehe.
Dr. Tang was notified, and she came into check on me at 7am, baby was still head up. So my C-sect was bumped up from 9.30am t0 8am.
Nurse came in to put in my Catheter... which I hated. It's a tube inserted to drain your pee. =( very uncomfortable.
I was then wheeled out of my room to the OT, said bye bye to Justin.
In the OT I had music to listen to, courtesy of the anesthesiologist, which did a superb job! Felt no pain with all the needles and IV lines inserted into me =) Good job Dr. Ngun!
Then came the big moment, in a matter of what seemed to be 20-25 mins, Dr. Tang said, here comes your baby.. *pause* Aiya.... stuck... Seems that a part of her was stuck somewhere in me. So Dr. Tang gave a few hard yanks, I felt my body being tugged from side to side, and finally my baby girl was out!! Moments later, I heard a hearty cry! First thought, Ohhh my, such strong lungs.. I didn't get to see her immediately though... nurses cleaned her up, and 10 mins later, she was placed next to me... Eyes wide, rosy cheeks... I teared. =)
An hour later, I was back in my room.
Everything happened so quickly... on hindsight, all I really want to say is Lord You are so so good! Your grace is exceeding, abundant, so far above and beyond anything we even dare ask for!
As I'm typing, my baby is by my side.. so peaceful... *sigh* =)
19th May 2010
We "check-ed in" to SDMC at 7pm, Justin went to settle admission procedures while I was on the 3rd floor labor ward being briefed on the "events" that were to follow. I remember feeling excited on one hand yet jittery... All I remember telling myself was "where's my husband? I need my husband!" =) Justin came back shortly and we requested to leave for dinner.
Since this would be our "last" dinner before we become a family, we decided to splurge on something nice, God was so good! Of all the Jap restaurants (yes we love Jap food!), Justin picked a REALLY great one, price was right and food was simply superb! Had a nice reflective
dinner and headed back to the hospital.
It was disappointing, though we had registered our interest for a single room so Justin could stay the night, no single rooms were available... we spent the night just talking and cuddling until it was time for Justin to leave. We were still harboring hopes that baby would turn in the right position so I'll be spared the C-sect.
Dr. Tang came in at 11pm to check on me, and baby was still head up. *sigh* At that point, I prayed a prayer of release. I told God to do as He pleased, what was important was that I remained obedient because He had only our best in mind.
The night was horrid... being a very light sleeper, any noise would keep me awake... Imagine listening to the orchestra of snores throughout the night from my roommate. =/ And then when I could finally dose off, nurses would come and check for blood pressure and temperature. I remember texting my sister in UK and having her keep me company.
20th May 2010:
At 4am, contractions started, moderately strong period cramps that would come and go. I curled up into a ball on my side and tried to sleep. At 5.15am a gush of warm fluid greeted me. I jumped, and it clicked - my waters broke!!! This was really significant for me...because ever since being told I had to go through a C-sect, our greatest fears were that we'd be bringing our baby into the world earlier than she'd like. But my waters breaking that morning was taken as a sign from God of His reassurance that His timing is perfect. =) I shall blog about this in my next post. I called Justin and he rushed to hospital. It was wonderful having him by my side =)
Called for the nurse and she performed a check for cervix dilation - this was VERY uncomfortable!! I was 1 cm dilated. She then hooked me up on a CTG and I was told to count contractions. I had strong ones lasting 20 seconds, being 2 mins apart. If I remembered what I read, those were some pretty good contractions! Another nurse came in 30 mins later, and exclaimed, "Superb contractions! You can beat any woman in advance labor", I was 1.5cm dilated then. Oooh yes, the breathing techniques REALLY WORK. But playing Tetris worked even better!! hehehe.
Dr. Tang was notified, and she came into check on me at 7am, baby was still head up. So my C-sect was bumped up from 9.30am t0 8am.
Nurse came in to put in my Catheter... which I hated. It's a tube inserted to drain your pee. =( very uncomfortable.
I was then wheeled out of my room to the OT, said bye bye to Justin.
In the OT I had music to listen to, courtesy of the anesthesiologist, which did a superb job! Felt no pain with all the needles and IV lines inserted into me =) Good job Dr. Ngun!
Then came the big moment, in a matter of what seemed to be 20-25 mins, Dr. Tang said, here comes your baby.. *pause* Aiya.... stuck... Seems that a part of her was stuck somewhere in me. So Dr. Tang gave a few hard yanks, I felt my body being tugged from side to side, and finally my baby girl was out!! Moments later, I heard a hearty cry! First thought, Ohhh my, such strong lungs.. I didn't get to see her immediately though... nurses cleaned her up, and 10 mins later, she was placed next to me... Eyes wide, rosy cheeks... I teared. =)
An hour later, I was back in my room.
Everything happened so quickly... on hindsight, all I really want to say is Lord You are so so good! Your grace is exceeding, abundant, so far above and beyond anything we even dare ask for!
As I'm typing, my baby is by my side.. so peaceful... *sigh* =)
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