20th May 2009 was a day my heart felt it was ripped into a million pieces. My eyes cried till they could no longer cry, and my head ached with every thought that came. I had questions - many... anger - so much... And what followed were months of silence until one Sunday, 2 months later, all I was told was "just a little longer, just a little longer". I held onto this, not knowing for sure if it was my desperate heart speaking or the gentle whisper of my Lord.
20th May 2010 was the date my gynae set for the C-section. It rang a bell straight away... It was a day I was wondering how I'd spend seeing it was the day we realised we lost our first child. Seems that God had it all planned... it was supposed to be a day of mourning, but He turned it into dancing. It was supposed to be a day of gloom, but He turned it into a day of rejoicing! Still my hard head and skeptical mind thought... "what a coincidence... maybe this wasn't really divine intervention, maybe it was just coincidental...after all... we don't even know if baby is ready to be brought into the world... the C-sect may just be us yanking her out prematurely".
I thought this until 5.15am on 20th May 2010 when my waters broke... then I knew... I knew she was ready, and I knew this was God. He had it all planned... And we never saw it coming...
365 days was how long we had to wait... truly Father, it was just a little longer.
This is the personal God I know and love... Lord, You who made the heavens and the earth would stoop down to earth to plan and orchestrate something so "small" just for us... You knew our heart's desires and You chose to bless us this way... There is none like You.
I love You Lord, with all my heart I can truly say I love You.
We still miss our first baby. We always will... Death is temporary - that's the truth of Jesus. One day we will be reunited with him/her, we will know his/her face, get to hold him/her for all eternity. When that time comes, NOTHING can separate us again.
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