Remembering Grace

So it's been 2 months since we've began TTC (trying to conceive). Ever since, I've learned many terms like dpo and BFP. I've also learned that the really good pregnancy tests like ClearBlue gives about 54% accurate results 10 dpo, and the accuracy increases greatly with every 24 hours after that, until the first day of a missed period where accuracy is 99.9%. 

I've also learned that having unprotected sex on the day of ovulation isn't as effective because the mucous is at it's thickest and makes the environment almost hostile to sperm.. that and also the ovum deteriorates real quickly, so if I were to ovulate in the morning, and sex happens only at night, the egg is almost at its half-life and hence, not as viable as it was when released. So the best time is 2 days before ovulation.

So I've been reading, and learning, and praying, and hoping, and waiting, and seeing "not pregnant" signs. On the first month we tried, I was so sure I was pregnant that I actually started having morning sickness symptoms. Nausea, dizziness, lethargy etc. Talk about the power of the mind.

So now I'm at a point where I'm switching modes. Yes, we want a second baby, we're doing everything we can, but this is not within out control. As with Aly, it was all by Grace. I remember how my world fell apart when I realised I miscarried our little one. I remember walking around wondering whether there is any more meaning in life. And I remember that Sunday during worship where I told God I needed something from Him, an assurance.. and a voice said "Just a little longer". Words I held onto. And how 3 months after that, Aly was conceived. Of all the months this was the month I felt least pregnant! 

So here I am remembering Grace. Remembering that I.. a human who has no ability to keep my heart beating, or my lungs breathing, let alone command that I bear another child.. that I have a God who makes all things perfect in His time. I'm going to choose to let go, enjoy my amazing husband, and my precious, perfect daughter, enjoy what we have now, until God says it's time. (Thanks Ju Li for the encouragement and reminder). 

Hubby asked me the other day, what if Aly is all we'll ever get, no other children. I couldn't answer him. But now... I think I can say.. it will be OK. Because if Aly is all we'll ever have, she's perfect! I'm remembering Grace. It was Grace that gave us Aly. I can trust in my Jesus.