Remembering Grace

So it's been 2 months since we've began TTC (trying to conceive). Ever since, I've learned many terms like dpo and BFP. I've also learned that the really good pregnancy tests like ClearBlue gives about 54% accurate results 10 dpo, and the accuracy increases greatly with every 24 hours after that, until the first day of a missed period where accuracy is 99.9%. 

I've also learned that having unprotected sex on the day of ovulation isn't as effective because the mucous is at it's thickest and makes the environment almost hostile to sperm.. that and also the ovum deteriorates real quickly, so if I were to ovulate in the morning, and sex happens only at night, the egg is almost at its half-life and hence, not as viable as it was when released. So the best time is 2 days before ovulation.

So I've been reading, and learning, and praying, and hoping, and waiting, and seeing "not pregnant" signs. On the first month we tried, I was so sure I was pregnant that I actually started having morning sickness symptoms. Nausea, dizziness, lethargy etc. Talk about the power of the mind.

So now I'm at a point where I'm switching modes. Yes, we want a second baby, we're doing everything we can, but this is not within out control. As with Aly, it was all by Grace. I remember how my world fell apart when I realised I miscarried our little one. I remember walking around wondering whether there is any more meaning in life. And I remember that Sunday during worship where I told God I needed something from Him, an assurance.. and a voice said "Just a little longer". Words I held onto. And how 3 months after that, Aly was conceived. Of all the months this was the month I felt least pregnant! 

So here I am remembering Grace. Remembering that I.. a human who has no ability to keep my heart beating, or my lungs breathing, let alone command that I bear another child.. that I have a God who makes all things perfect in His time. I'm going to choose to let go, enjoy my amazing husband, and my precious, perfect daughter, enjoy what we have now, until God says it's time. (Thanks Ju Li for the encouragement and reminder). 

Hubby asked me the other day, what if Aly is all we'll ever get, no other children. I couldn't answer him. But now... I think I can say.. it will be OK. Because if Aly is all we'll ever have, she's perfect! I'm remembering Grace. It was Grace that gave us Aly. I can trust in my Jesus.

Sick logs... September - November 2011

September 2nd. Hospitalization

It was a Monday, I came back from work and was vegetating on the sofa and she was playing next to me on the floor. She climbed onto the sofa and knelt while playing with Justin's laptop. The laptop slid off her lap and the next thing I knew I saw her grabbing onto the laptop and she slid down as well.. head down on to the laptop which had fallen onto the carpeted floor. She cried as usual and it was her forehead that was red. I pacified her and she was OK after that. 30 mins later after a few spoons of porridge, she vomited. REALLY vomited. Almost all her food came out. I panicked, but Justin came home and calmed me down. 20 mins later, she vomited again. And she didn't stop. At 6.40 we rushed to Dr. Pauline (she's amazing) and she did a thorough check, said that her responses were perfect, but the vomiting was worrying. She wrote a letter for admittance into Pantai Cheras, which we eventually changed to SDMC because of distance.

Rushed to SDMC ER, where we waited 10 minutes until she was checked out. Then waited another 1 hour until an IV was put on her to help with dehydration. It was painful to watch as they bundled her with a bedsheet, I held her tight while trying to calm her as she kept calling and screaming "mommy mommy". My daughter was in pain and all I could do was hug her. I was helpless.

The consultant paediatrician in charge said she'll need a CT scan just in case but she she needed to be really still.. aka asleep.. so we waited for another 2 hours until she had gone into deep sleep. We got her scanned, and she remained sleeping (they had already added an anti vomit drip only 30 mins prior). Results showed NO brain damage, swelling etc. It was normal! But the diagnosis was a mild concussion with no lasting damage. Relieved, we checked in to the room for overnight observation and for the drip to run. She vomited a total of 16 times.

Next day, we only managed to check out at  7pm, with a whoopping 1.7k hospital bill. That night, after milk she vomited again.. but not much. So we prayed and went to sleep.

Next morning, after milk, she complained of stomach pain. My heart dropped. And 1 hour later, she vomited in the lift in school... My heart stopped. After cleaning her up, I got a call from Dr. Pauline who was calling just to check on Alyssa (see why I said she's amazing?) And she asked whether Alyssa had diarrhea, which she did this morning! Two smelly runny poop filled diapers! And that was when Dr. Pauline said, then her initial diagnosis and hunch was right - there was no concussion. It was a case of bad bad bad viral stomach flu (which I caught just 2 days before Aly fell sick). With proper instructions and medication - probiotics, anti diarhea, oral salts, Aly recovered 2 days later... All I can say is that God was so kind.

But that virus was really something... a day after coming home from hospital, Justin caught it and started vomiting. The next day my mom took care of her and started vomiting before the end of the day. The day after that the same fate landed on my sister who took care of Aly while my mom was sick. =/ Really something. 

October. Flu, cough, and sleepless nights

Few weeks after the hospitalization, she case the common flu bug. Needless to say.. stuffy runny nose and itching throat kept her waking almost every 2 hours.. and us with little and close to no sleep. Her nose recovered in 3 days and her cough went away after 10 days. Phew.. we had survived another wave...

October: Swollen hand.

Another Monday.. while on the way to the carpark, I let Aly stand in the lift. Then lift door opened and her hands was on it... her hand got dragged into the space between the door and the lift. She screamed, and I immediately yanked it out. She was then crying inconsolably. We rushed her to the nearby clinic outside ,fer,REER(re because Dr. Pauline wasn't opened. The doctor said it was unlikely that it was a fracture, but we should monitor her swelling and her pain levels. At 7, we visited Dr. Pauline and she gave the same diagnosis..
soft tissue damage. We were sent away with an RM80 bill and pain and swelling medicine.

The cute thing about this was how Aly reacted! She literally went around like her arm was broken/detached from the shoulder. It was really really cute! But sadly, with the whole worrying and crying, I forgot to take pictures! =(

So this lasted for the whole night. To monitor her, I let her sleep next to me on my bed and I basically kept watch almost the whole night, making sure she wouldn't roll over and hurt her hand, and to reposition her once in a while so her hand will get enough blood circulation.

Next morning I decided to stay home but it was evident that she wasn't showing that she was getting better. And my daughter being drama queen Justin suggested that we bring her to school for half a day. Just to see whether she'd come alive with the students and the excitement. True enough, she did come alive. First order of business upon entering school was to announce (like a boss) that her hand was pain. "baby.. hand.. pain!" Then she started running around and playing, with the "hurt" hand. Suddenly it was business as usual, she was drawing with that hand and playing catching with Elise (her favorite che che).

After the trip to school, she was miraculously healed and that was the last of this episode.

November 19 - privates infected.

During lunch she started crying and screaming while holding on to her diapers in the groin area. 2 hours later, same thing happened.. and we noticed she did it while peeing. I was worried that it could be a UTI so we rushed to Dr. Pauline who examined her thoroughly and took a urine test. Test results were negative for bacteria so it was unlikely that is was UTI. Her vulva and anus were red, which could be the cause of her pain. Urine stinging infected parts = pain. So we were sent home with a bill of RM83, some pH medication soap used for her to soak in, some cream, and probiotics.

I set up her tub with the prescribed soap, and got her sitting in it. a few seconds later, she stood up screaming in pain. the concoction must have really stung. But we were instructed to soak her for 2 minutes, so we had to literally hold her in while she cried "daddy naniiiiiiiiiii naniiiiiii" (daddy, no no). Sigh... Broke Justin's heart.

Applying the cream after that was equally bad. But the fun part was that she was to go diaper-less. And boy, did she enjoy that. 30 mins later, she peed with lots of screaming and tears. another 15 mins later, she peed again, this time with no screams.. but whines. 30 mins after that, she peed a whole puddle and we didn't even notice cause there was not even a squeak from her until Justin went checking on her and she exclaimed "daddy, peee peeee". And another 30 mins after that she again peed a puddle, and this time kept real quiet and had fun time playing with the pee, which included rubbing it over her face. Sigh. So, it seemed that the medication did work really fast and well as Dr. Pauline said it would.

With that, I close this sick log entry. I hope it'll be a LONG time before I have to enter another log.

=]'[;
X][[X[X[CFFFFFFFFF <<< Aly says hi.

After a loooooong break

Haven't visited this blog for a looong time. A lot, and I mean a lot has happened in these few months.

Firstly, Aly learned to walk at 13.5 months. and then there was a mental leap that got her spitting out words like a bullet train. Till date, she has a vocabulary bank of more than 180 spoken words, and more than 230 understood words. On top of that she's able to answer quite a number of questions with yes or no. E.g. Do you want to take a bath? And she'll say "yesh". I'd really like to list a few words she can say.. but that will have to wait till I can find the time to do so. Oh yes, she's also gotten quite good at 3 words sentences. Like.. baby wear shoes, baby wear shades. etc. She even said a 4 word sentence a few days back, but I can't remember what it was =(

She's also started learning how to count. I'll say 1, 2 and she'll say 3. I'll say 4, 5, 6, 7,8, and she'll say 9 and 10. But she has learned the consequence of saying 9 and 10 means some fun activity will end. So she has learned that in order to prolong fun time, she'll prolong saying 9 and 10.. or just say no when she's supposed to say 9 or 10. =/

She's also learned distraction techniques. Like when I catch her doing something naughty, she'll very quickly "distract" me with her tricks (like pointing to her body parts and naming them.. baby... eyes) or pointing and naming other objects, or asking me to do something for her. =/

At 17 months, her stranger anxiety has skyrocketed. She'll literally claw on to me when a stranger approaches and she's even started showing her "shy" face. Frozen body, very very quiet, her head bowed down. Which is actually pretty cute to watch! Really similar to how cartoons portray shy kids.

She knows every single one of my students by name and face, and she can now say all of their names. All 34 of them. She's also extremely helpful. She'll pick up rubbish when she sees any, and she'll help me deliver test papers to students. I'll go: Baby, give this to koko ____ and she'll do it. =D

She also started referring to herself as "baby" 1.5 months back. She'll say baby this... baby that... she's able to differentiate between what is daddy's and mommy's and what is baby's.

She also learned to walk backwards 2 months ago and she's been learning to run. Trips alot and somehow has learned to blame the floor - a habit I am in the midst of breaking, but I wonder how she got the idea in the first place. That and the idea of stepping on an ant when she sees one! Argg..

Sleep wise, she's getting way easier to settle down now, and I've stopped carrying her to sleep for more than 6 months now. =) And 2 months ago, she started falling asleep in her own cot as opposed to our bed. =) Next step of sleep training is to get her to fall asleep without body contact (patting) and singing.. and finally to be able to fall asleep without me.

She's also been getting extra cheeky, testing and pushing boundaries every hour!And it seems that she more or less knows when she's crossed a line. There'll be this cautious look on her face as she scans my facial expressions and tone of voice.

Sooo.. that's all the updates I have for now. Will try to blog more now that I'm on a long holiday. Hopefully upload some recent pictures of her too!


Ah.. in the mean time.. please keep us in prayers, we've been TTC for 2 months now, but so far, no + signs yet. =( It is disappointing and frustrating.. the whole wait and trying.. wait and trying... But.. that's all that we can do.