Grace-filled journey

When I am weak

2012-01-06T23:09:00.000-08:00

My daughter is amazing. She is well behaved, obedient (well as obedient as a 19 monther can get), she's incredibly intelligent, she is massively cute, she is also very cheeky. She craves attention and does all sort to make us laugh. I love my daughter and she loves me.

But there's 2 things to which my fuses are extra short: 1. nap/sleeptime 2. screaming for attention.

After much reading, Justin concluded that she has sleep problems because she's intelligent ( unbelievable I know). Basically how that happens is that these babies/tots are sooooo into gaining input and exploring the world, that the last thing they want to do is sleep! Kinda like when we adults are hooked onto something. So this interest is like a need to them and it almost always overwrites the need for sleep and rest.

Only in VERY scarce circumstances does Aly whine for sleep and fall asleep in my arms in public/noisy/brightly lit places. She has to have her bedtime routine, has to be put to sleep in a dark dark place, and has to be patted to sleep, that with the aid of the pacifier.

So the problem I have with that is, nap/bedtime routines take a huge toll out of me. Cause when she needs to sleep, mommy is the only one she wants.

Today, it took me 1.5 hours of constant carrying and patting to make her take her nap... when it would normally take 5 minutes. Why? I don't know. But it drove me up the wall and down again. The result: I spanked her and screamed at her.

There are many things I can take, but this is just one of those things that break me. She cried cause mommy was a beast, and fell asleep. After the whole ordeal, I cried. I was alone, tired, with an achy abdomen, and tonnes of housework.

I went through a whole episode of how horrid a mom I was for losing my temper etc...

I have been relying on my own strength since Aly was born. I took pride in educating her, and raising her well. I enjoyed the praises people gave us about Aly. And I did it my way, all by myself. There is a price to pay when one does not rely on God - loneliness, emptiness, lethargy, and pain.

After pushing through this for 19 months. I am exhausted.

Today I prayed for God to come in... to forgive me for doing this without Him... for being so arrogant. There was a time when I enjoyed being weak. Things fell into place as I humbly obeyed God's leading. I pray this will come back soon.

Today I broke down and cried with my daughter. She saw her mommy cry for the first time in her life, and she cried more. Today I saw myself as I truly am - weak. But it was refreshing that in my weakness... I felt a huge burden lifted...

9But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

The decision

2011-12-18T07:02:00.000-08:00

In my last post I had a dilemma and decision to be made - to Clomine or not to Clomine. Well.. after lots of thinking, tossing, and turning. We've submitted it all to God and decided we'll do a round of Clomine. I'm finally feeling good enough to write. Cause since September, my emotions have been catastrophic to say the least. Finally today... Justin remarked, hey you're feeling better already ho? Then I realised, Gee whiz, I AM!

Had a good time just being honest and talking to God today. I miss that. Since September I've just been sending instructions and requests to God... there was no talking, no sharing, no crying my heart out, no honesty. Today I did, and there was no bombastic instant lifting of emotions. There was just a gradual lifting of my heavy heart and I'm feeling more alive now =)

After our first failed attempt, a voice asked me whether I'd be OK if Aly was the only child I got here on earth (remember I have another one in heaven). I couldn't bring myself to answering that, and I hated that question. Then that night itself, Justin asked me the exact same question. I froze. I fought. I argued. I logically analyzed the question. I even gave a politically correct answer. But I know my heart wasn't ready to let it go.

Today, my heart let it go. I let go of my dreams and plans on how my family would be. I let go of my wants and my longings. I let go. And I can finally say, if Aly is the only child I get on earth, I thank the Lord for the privilege of being a mom to my beautiful daughter, and I thank the Lord for all the joy and blessings she brought just by existing. And today, I felt liberated.

So the decision has been made, we'll do a round of Clomine, and if it happens it happens. If it doesn't, it doesn't. =)

And the culprit is.....

2011-12-02T07:59:00.001-08:00

After 2 months of TTC, today I ovulated. Or.. was supposed to ovulate. But today was a whirlwind of things and we ended up at the gynae's office. My last period came 5 days late so I initially thought I was pregnant... and it ended 3 days late which is unusual for me. But what was more unusual was the continuous spotting after my period ended. Spotting was initially brown blood which I thought was the tail end of my period. But it stretched till today.. day 14. And today, the blood was bright red. Now, google is really nifty, but sometimes it serves to make the worry wart even more worried! So some checks on google came up with cervical cancer, and seeing my last pap results came back abnormal.. this was a huge cause for concern.

Thanks to my ever amazing Gynae, she slotted me in last minute even though she was absolutely packed until end of January 2012. Ended up waiting 2 hours to see her and in the end, my cervix looked good, and nothing was out of the ordinary... nothing except my ovaries.

I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) in 2009 when I started getting irregular periods and massive hair loss. And at that point, all I took home from that was that it will be hard to conceive. After that, I got my first pregnancy, and thought, "hey, that was easy!". Then the miscarriage happened and we took a 3 month hiatus after the D&C, and on the first month we TTC, we got pregnant with Aly. And again I thought, WHOA, PCOS, you have no hold on me!!

But now, on Cycle Day 14 in my 28 day cycle, an internal ultrasound showed that I had no follicles, no ovums to be released. It was just another popped cyst. So hopes of TTC this month are well.. gone. I thought that through pregnancy, the hormone shifts etc.. PCOS will be gone. So Dr. Tang presribed Clomine to help with LH levels so that I will start producing ovums.

So that was it.. the culprit is PCOS. Now... I told Justin that I felt like I wanted to cry, but somehow tears weren't being generated. Took me a while, but I realised, I felt bad because I felt incomplete and incompetent. But in the deepest parts of my heart, I felt this calm assurance. That everything is alright! Everything is alright! That whatever happens, I am held, I have hope!

So yes, PCOS is hindering me from conceiving, but I know my God is the Maker and Creator of EVERYTHING. He can definitely cause me to conceive just like that if He willed. So now, I'm going back to what it should always have been - total surrender and obedience. Knowing that conceiving and giving birth to Aly was not through my competence or ability, but through His grace alone. His Grace is truly exceeding, abundant, above, and beyond all things. Because of this, I don't need to cry, I need only walk and live a life of victory, because My God is so much Greater, Stronger, and Higher than all others, all circumstances, everything. It feels so refreshing to be able to rely on God this way. =)

Remembering Grace

2011-11-25T06:51:00.001-08:00

So it's been 2 months since we've began TTC (trying to conceive). Ever since, I've learned many terms like dpo and BFP. I've also learned that the really good pregnancy tests like ClearBlue gives about 54% accurate results 10 dpo, and the accuracy increases greatly with every 24 hours after that, until the first day of a missed period where accuracy is 99.9%.

I've also learned that having unprotected sex on the day of ovulation isn't as effective because the mucous is at it's thickest and makes the environment almost hostile to sperm.. that and also the ovum deteriorates real quickly, so if I were to ovulate in the morning, and sex happens only at night, the egg is almost at its half-life and hence, not as viable as it was when released. So the best time is 2 days before ovulation.

So I've been reading, and learning, and praying, and hoping, and waiting, and seeing "not pregnant" signs. On the first month we tried, I was so sure I was pregnant that I actually started having morning sickness symptoms. Nausea, dizziness, lethargy etc. Talk about the power of the mind.

So now I'm at a point where I'm switching modes. Yes, we want a second baby, we're doing everything we can, but this is not within out control. As with Aly, it was all by Grace. I remember how my world fell apart when I realised I miscarried our little one. I remember walking around wondering whether there is any more meaning in life. And I remember that Sunday during worship where I told God I needed something from Him, an assurance.. and a voice said "Just a little longer". Words I held onto. And how 3 months after that, Aly was conceived. Of all the months this was the month I felt least pregnant!

So here I am remembering Grace. Remembering that I.. a human who has no ability to keep my heart beating, or my lungs breathing, let alone command that I bear another child.. that I have a God who makes all things perfect in His time. I'm going to choose to let go, enjoy my amazing husband, and my precious, perfect daughter, enjoy what we have now, until God says it's time. (Thanks Ju Li for the encouragement and reminder).

Hubby asked me the other day, what if Aly is all we'll ever get, no other children. I couldn't answer him. But now... I think I can say.. it will be OK. Because if Aly is all we'll ever have, she's perfect! I'm remembering Grace. It was Grace that gave us Aly. I can trust in my Jesus.

Sick logs... September - November 2011

2011-11-19T06:47:00.000-08:00

September 2nd. Hospitalization

It was a Monday, I came back from work and was vegetating on the sofa and she was playing next to me on the floor. She climbed onto the sofa and knelt while playing with Justin's laptop. The laptop slid off her lap and the next thing I knew I saw her grabbing onto the laptop and she slid down as well.. head down on to the laptop which had fallen onto the carpeted floor. She cried as usual and it was her forehead that was red. I pacified her and she was OK after that. 30 mins later after a few spoons of porridge, she vomited. REALLY vomited. Almost all her food came out. I panicked, but Justin came home and calmed me down. 20 mins later, she vomited again. And she didn't stop. At 6.40 we rushed to Dr. Pauline (she's amazing) and she did a thorough check, said that her responses were perfect, but the vomiting was worrying. She wrote a letter for admittance into Pantai Cheras, which we eventually changed to SDMC because of distance.

Rushed to SDMC ER, where we waited 10 minutes until she was checked out. Then waited another 1 hour until an IV was put on her to help with dehydration. It was painful to watch as they bundled her with a bedsheet, I held her tight while trying to calm her as she kept calling and screaming "mommy mommy". My daughter was in pain and all I could do was hug her. I was helpless.

The consultant paediatrician in charge said she'll need a CT scan just in case but she she needed to be really still.. aka asleep.. so we waited for another 2 hours until she had gone into deep sleep. We got her scanned, and she remained sleeping (they had already added an anti vomit drip only 30 mins prior). Results showed NO brain damage, swelling etc. It was normal! But the diagnosis was a mild concussion with no lasting damage. Relieved, we checked in to the room for overnight observation and for the drip to run. She vomited a total of 16 times.

Next day, we only managed to check out at 7pm, with a whoopping 1.7k hospital bill. That night, after milk she vomited again.. but not much. So we prayed and went to sleep.

Next morning, after milk, she complained of stomach pain. My heart dropped. And 1 hour later, she vomited in the lift in school... My heart stopped. After cleaning her up, I got a call from Dr. Pauline who was calling just to check on Alyssa (see why I said she's amazing?) And she asked whether Alyssa had diarrhea, which she did this morning! Two smelly runny poop filled diapers! And that was when Dr. Pauline said, then her initial diagnosis and hunch was right - there was no concussion. It was a case of bad bad bad viral stomach flu (which I caught just 2 days before Aly fell sick). With proper instructions and medication - probiotics, anti diarhea, oral salts, Aly recovered 2 days later... All I can say is that God was so kind.

But that virus was really something... a day after coming home from hospital, Justin caught it and started vomiting. The next day my mom took care of her and started vomiting before the end of the day. The day after that the same fate landed on my sister who took care of Aly while my mom was sick. =/ Really something.

October. Flu, cough, and sleepless nights

Few weeks after the hospitalization, she case the common flu bug. Needless to say.. stuffy runny nose and itching throat kept her waking almost every 2 hours.. and us with little and close to no sleep. Her nose recovered in 3 days and her cough went away after 10 days. Phew.. we had survived another wave...

October: Swollen hand.

Another Monday.. while on the way to the carpark, I let Aly stand in the lift. Then lift door opened and her hands was on it... her hand got dragged into the space between the door and the lift. She screamed, and I immediately yanked it out. She was then crying inconsolably. We rushed her to the nearby clinic outside ,fer,REER(re because Dr. Pauline wasn't opened. The doctor said it was unlikely that it was a fracture, but we should monitor her swelling and her pain levels. At 7, we visited Dr. Pauline and she gave the same diagnosis..
soft tissue damage. We were sent away with an RM80 bill and pain and swelling medicine.

The cute thing about this was how Aly reacted! She literally went around like her arm was broken/detached from the shoulder. It was really really cute! But sadly, with the whole worrying and crying, I forgot to take pictures! =(

So this lasted for the whole night. To monitor her, I let her sleep next to me on my bed and I basically kept watch almost the whole night, making sure she wouldn't roll over and hurt her hand, and to reposition her once in a while so her hand will get enough blood circulation.

Next morning I decided to stay home but it was evident that she wasn't showing that she was getting better. And my daughter being drama queen Justin suggested that we bring her to school for half a day. Just to see whether she'd come alive with the students and the excitement. True enough, she did come alive. First order of business upon entering school was to announce (like a boss) that her hand was pain. "baby.. hand.. pain!" Then she started running around and playing, with the "hurt" hand. Suddenly it was business as usual, she was drawing with that hand and playing catching with Elise (her favorite che che).

After the trip to school, she was miraculously healed and that was the last of this episode.

November 19 - privates infected.

During lunch she started crying and screaming while holding on to her diapers in the groin area. 2 hours later, same thing happened.. and we noticed she did it while peeing. I was worried that it could be a UTI so we rushed to Dr. Pauline who examined her thoroughly and took a urine test. Test results were negative for bacteria so it was unlikely that is was UTI. Her vulva and anus were red, which could be the cause of her pain. Urine stinging infected parts = pain. So we were sent home with a bill of RM83, some pH medication soap used for her to soak in, some cream, and probiotics.

I set up her tub with the prescribed soap, and got her sitting in it. a few seconds later, she stood up screaming in pain. the concoction must have really stung. But we were instructed to soak her for 2 minutes, so we had to literally hold her in while she cried "daddy naniiiiiiiiiii naniiiiiii" (daddy, no no). Sigh... Broke Justin's heart.

Applying the cream after that was equally bad. But the fun part was that she was to go diaper-less. And boy, did she enjoy that. 30 mins later, she peed with lots of screaming and tears. another 15 mins later, she peed again, this time with no screams.. but whines. 30 mins after that, she peed a whole puddle and we didn't even notice cause there was not even a squeak from her until Justin went checking on her and she exclaimed "daddy, peee peeee". And another 30 mins after that she again peed a puddle, and this time kept real quiet and had fun time playing with the pee, which included rubbing it over her face. Sigh. So, it seemed that the medication did work really fast and well as Dr. Pauline said it would.

With that, I close this sick log entry. I hope it'll be a LONG time before I have to enter another log.

=]'[;
X][[X[X[CFFFFFFFFF <<< Aly says hi.

After a loooooong break

2011-11-18T06:31:00.000-08:00

Haven't visited this blog for a looong time. A lot, and I mean a lot has happened in these few months.

Firstly, Aly learned to walk at 13.5 months. and then there was a mental leap that got her spitting out words like a bullet train. Till date, she has a vocabulary bank of more than 180 spoken words, and more than 230 understood words. On top of that she's able to answer quite a number of questions with yes or no. E.g. Do you want to take a bath? And she'll say "yesh". I'd really like to list a few words she can say.. but that will have to wait till I can find the time to do so. Oh yes, she's also gotten quite good at 3 words sentences. Like.. baby wear shoes, baby wear shades. etc. She even said a 4 word sentence a few days back, but I can't remember what it was =(

She's also started learning how to count. I'll say 1, 2 and she'll say 3. I'll say 4, 5, 6, 7,8, and she'll say 9 and 10. But she has learned the consequence of saying 9 and 10 means some fun activity will end. So she has learned that in order to prolong fun time, she'll prolong saying 9 and 10.. or just say no when she's supposed to say 9 or 10. =/

She's also learned distraction techniques. Like when I catch her doing something naughty, she'll very quickly "distract" me with her tricks (like pointing to her body parts and naming them.. baby... eyes) or pointing and naming other objects, or asking me to do something for her. =/

At 17 months, her stranger anxiety has skyrocketed. She'll literally claw on to me when a stranger approaches and she's even started showing her "shy" face. Frozen body, very very quiet, her head bowed down. Which is actually pretty cute to watch! Really similar to how cartoons portray shy kids.

She knows every single one of my students by name and face, and she can now say all of their names. All 34 of them. She's also extremely helpful. She'll pick up rubbish when she sees any, and she'll help me deliver test papers to students. I'll go: Baby, give this to koko ____ and she'll do it. =D

She also started referring to herself as "baby" 1.5 months back. She'll say baby this... baby that... she's able to differentiate between what is daddy's and mommy's and what is baby's.

She also learned to walk backwards 2 months ago and she's been learning to run. Trips alot and somehow has learned to blame the floor - a habit I am in the midst of breaking, but I wonder how she got the idea in the first place. That and the idea of stepping on an ant when she sees one! Argg..

Sleep wise, she's getting way easier to settle down now, and I've stopped carrying her to sleep for more than 6 months now. =) And 2 months ago, she started falling asleep in her own cot as opposed to our bed. =) Next step of sleep training is to get her to fall asleep without body contact (patting) and singing.. and finally to be able to fall asleep without me.

She's also been getting extra cheeky, testing and pushing boundaries every hour!And it seems that she more or less knows when she's crossed a line. There'll be this cautious look on her face as she scans my facial expressions and tone of voice.

Sooo.. that's all the updates I have for now. Will try to blog more now that I'm on a long holiday. Hopefully upload some recent pictures of her too!

Ah.. in the mean time.. please keep us in prayers, we've been TTC for 2 months now, but so far, no + signs yet. =( It is disappointing and frustrating.. the whole wait and trying.. wait and trying... But.. that's all that we can do.

So very true!

2011-07-05T23:12:00.000-07:00

Hehehe! Some humor to fill my day. So true, so true.

Dadeeeeeeee

2011-07-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday (30th July 2011), while carrying her down the stairs to head for work, I said "mommy" call "mommy". And it happened... she said Maaa meee.... <3 ahhh bliss!!!!

Then I proceeded to say... Say "daddy" and she said daaaaa deeeeee. <3 Justin melted!

Since then, she's preferred saying 'daddy' over 'mommy'. This morning, she woke up chuckling, so Justin couldn't resist and brought her to the bed. And he said say daddy, and she did! As clear as day.. Dadee!! (high-low pitch 4-2) I think he teared! =D

This was a magnificent morning was sealed with a nice breakfast together at a mamak. Btw, she loves Indian food. Till date, she's tried and approved of vade (spelling?), roti kosong, tosai, rava tosai. Didn't quite like dhal though.

Sick logs... updated

2011-06-30T06:58:00.000-07:00

We finally took her to her pediatrician on Wednesday. And her diagnosis: ulcer on her throat/sore throat. But by that time, she was already beginning to heal! (yay!) We were given some drops to numb the area so she could drink water and swallow food - as she wasn't having anything but ice cream/yoghurt for the past 2 days.

This morning, we woke to a very happy baby!! Our lil Aly is back in business!! Really missed her.

Something about this round of sickness drew us closer together. =)

I really thank God for speedy recovery!

As for the cause of the sickness... we're not sure. But the hubby has observed that almost a day after every visit to the swimming pool landed her sick. As an added security measure, we shall be purchasing an inflatable pool to be placed in our porch, until her immune system's stronger.

I'm just sooooo happy to have my baby back!! Whee

On a side note, she added new words to her vocab! Plis (please), nananana (no no), nana (banana), pish (fish), babee (baby), klo (close), bouh (open), wahhh, tar (guitar).

We noticed a huge leap in terms of being able to vocalize new words this week We only need to repeat a word (that is similar to what she can pronounce) once and she'll be able to pick it up! Just yesterday I was telling her that I was feeding her a banana and she smiled and said "nana"! This is a really exciting!! We're going to teach her to say "thank you" next!!

Sick logs... (?)

2011-06-27T22:22:00.000-07:00

Couldn't really think of a more.. suitable title.

The internet is filled with info that warns about a dip in immune system's ability to cope after the 6th month. That's when the mother's milk no longer supplies antibodies like it used to before baby was 6 months old. I noticed that... and at 1 day over 6 months, it was the first time Aly fell sick.

6 months 1 day - Roseola, high fever for 4 days, mild rash on tummy on 5th day, recovered on 6th day

12 months 1 week - Roseola, high fever for 3 days, bad rash on tummy which spread to the forehead and cheeks, recovered on 8th day.

13 months 4 weeks - fever, lots of drooling... Not sure if it's just teething...

Suffice to say... Those times hubby and I had almost no sleep. Baby was cranky to say the least... and I felt totally helpless...

She's sick again. We're not sure if it's a virus or whether its teething. All I know is.. I can't describe how much it hurts watching my daughter.. my tiny tiny daughter cry in pain...knowing that there is nothing I can do to make it better. Last night, she lay on the bed looking at me, crying... ma ma... And my heart broke.

And she turns ONE!

2011-05-21T08:12:00.000-07:00

My girl is officially one year and one day old. My baby is now a toddler. This girl is truly blessed. She's had 4 cakes, 3 birthday songs, one small and one mega party. Quite a feat for a lil one I'd say.

I don't even know where to begin sharing. It's been such a tremendous journey. And I'm so excited that there are still many more years to come. Looking back at how my life has changed, the only word I can muster is WOW. All praise be to God. He is amazing.

I don't even know what I'm typing now. All I know is that my heart is overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving. Watching her fall asleep in my arms tonight was extra special... I gazed upon my miracle, my gift, my precious, my child. And all I could do was smile and kiss her. sigh... This part of motherhood cannot be described, it has to be lived. I thank Jesus for giving Justin and I the privilege to live this.

Babbles

2011-03-02T06:50:00.000-08:00

My precious can speak! A few syllables that sound like words that is. hehehehe.

11th Feb 2011, she said "go" It was as clear as crystal after practicing the "g" sound for 3 days.

28th Feb 2011, she started pronouncing the "k" sound. Then before we knew it, she had said "kah". Her daddy pointed to the car and said "car" and she followed "kah"

2nd March 2011, while playing with her rubber ducky in the bath, I said "duck duck" like I always do, and she looked at me as though something clicked, and said "dak dak"! I said it again and so did she!!!! So dak dak dak dak she went!

2nd March 2011, while rocking her to sleep, she said da da da da da. Daddy's out the whole day and she must miss him. When I told her that daddy was going to see her only in the morning, she said da da da da da. awwww... <3 I'm so proud of my little one!!! Humbles me when I see how far she's come and how fast she's developing!

But.. there's still no sign of mama... =(

I shall wait patiently!

Easiyo Real Yogurt Maker - the review

2011-02-14T02:11:00.000-08:00

After a week of owning the Easiyo yogurt maker, I have to say I give it a 5/5!

I bought the starter kit which included the Easiyo maker (thermos), a plastic jar, and 2 easiyo yogurt mixes - Strawberry and natural (plain).

Shown in the pic is my first batch of yogurt - Strawberry, which was a semi failure =(

The box read "perfect yogurt everytime". I must say I totally agree!! Provided you do exactly as they state. I obviously did not hence the semi failed first attempt.

Instructions are easy peasy.
1. pour 500ml COLD drinking water into the plastic tub.
2. add in the mix and shake well, then add in more cold drinking water until the lined marked inside the plastic tub.
3. then in the thermos, pour in BOILING water until the top of the inner plastic tube.
4. place the plastic container into the thermos and cap the thermos.
5. leave for 8-12 hours (I left the first batch for 13 hours, and the second for 19 hours).
6. refrigerate yogurt at 4 degrees Celsius. It keeps for about 2 weeks.

So what went wrong with my first batch:
1. It didn't curdle. So it was more like strawberry yogurt smoothie, which was still great!! Cause we saved it by adding in some Buds strawberry ice cream, and giving it a whirl in our blender. Yum yum yum! It tasted AMAZING.
2. The problem was the boiling water. I thought water from my thermal pot would do the trick. Turns out it wasn't hot enough, hence didn't provide an ideal temperature for the good bacteria to populate, hence no curdling!

What I learned:
1. Use boiling water, fresh out of the kettle!
2. Use cold water from the fridge, cool water is not sufficient. How it works is that the cold water is balanced out by the hot water to achieve the perfect temperature for the bacteria to grow, too cold or too hot = failure.

Learned from my mistake and the second time, it was perfection! Easy peasy seriously! And the most interesting thing was that there was a distinct difference in taste with the Easiyo mix and the commercial store-bought yogurt. The only way hubby and I could describe it is that Easiyo tastes more organic.

I've made 2 batches, and went and got mixes for all the flavors Cold Storage had - peach, apricot, and boysenberry. As I type, I have my 3rd batch - boysenberry - sitting in the thermos. It should be ready tomorrow morning =)

The hubby prefers natural to strawberry because he can pretty much customize the taste according to his fancy. Seen above is my plain yogurt + mango puree. =) Try it with blueberries, apricot, peach etc. So far we've given Aly yogurt + nectarine puree and she loves it!

Ohhh, do note, it's perfectly OK if you've forgot to take it out of the thermos into the fridge. It can last 24 hours in the thermos. The longer you leave it in the thermos, the firmer it will be. I like my yogurt firm, so 19-20 hours is more or less the way I like it =)

Feeling inspired??

Ooohh and I also found a recipe to make frozen yogurt! Will wait for the March holidays to try it out. I can't wait!!

Constipation battle part III

2011-02-09T02:22:00.000-08:00

I breathed a huge sigh of relief when my darling daughter poop-ed!!!!!! Hooray and THANK GOD!

Consulted the pediatrician and Aly was prescribed Duphalac (lactulose). Dosage: 2.5ml 3 times a day. My science knowledge told me the suffix -lose meant sugar. And true enough, it was synthetic sugar!

How constipation begins is when one ignores the urge to poop, or has trouble pooping because of harder stools (due to lack of water at most times). In this case, Aly was experiencing harden stools because of her porridge diet. For some breastfed babies, the sudden change from breastmilk to solids shocks their systems and some just take a longer time to adjust. So she tried pushing, and it couldn't come out, so she must've held it back in. This compounded the issue because poop that's stored longer in the intestines become harder because the sole function of the intestines is to absorb water back into the body. So the longer the poop sits in the intestines, the more water is absorbed from the poop, making it harder, and hence, harder to push out!

So I've been giving her prune juice, apple juice, pear juice, water (which she absolutely hates) and all I saw was a double in wet diapers, but no poop!!! She tried but cried everytime and nothing came out! So research said that sugars help draw water back into the poop, making it softer, and easier to expel.

After 48 hours of lactulose, she fussed, cried buckets!!! but finally a foot long of poop came out. And we all celebrated after =))

She's now back on porridge, but heavily watered down, and is filled with more vege than rice! I hope things go back to normal now.

Easiyo Real Yogurt Maker

2011-02-05T00:30:00.000-08:00

So mommy is a sucker for yogurt. Especially frozen yogurt!! Yummmmmmmm. My hubby can testify to the crazy amount of money spent in places like TuttiFrutti in IOI. Hehehehehe.

I've been researching about giving yogurt to baby, and came across making your own yogurt threads. Problem was, what was basic was getting a way to properly incubate the mixture - keeping it at just the right temperature for the bacteria to populate! A whole long list of time consuming ways to incubate the mixtures turned me off. With limited time on my hands, I'd rather spend money buying them off the rack at a supermarket. =/ But the price... ohhh yes the price... sigh. Other cheaper yogurts just didn't taste as nice, and were packed with sugars and other chemical stabilizers. The ones I really gave a thumbs up to were greek style ones bought in Cold Storage... RM10.99 per 500g =/ Bahhhh.

So I chanced upon Easiyo yogurt maker in Cold Storage yesterday and my heart sang!! The ever-so-rationale hubby stopped me in my attempt to reach for the product and nicely suggested that I do some research first. =/ Wise words indeed. So home I went and researched away!! hohohohoho! The verdict: We bought one today! Starter pack at RM98.99 comes with the maker, instruction booklet, and 2 sachets of premix. If you're thinking of buying it, please ask for it to be opened and checked. Because mine only came with 1 sachet! Thankfully the nice man in Cold Storage was quick to hand me another sachet =D =D

I just unboxed it and my first batch of Strawberry yogurt is incubating. In another 11 hours, we'll give it a first taste! But on hindsight, this impatient mommy should've waited!! Cause this batch of yogurt will be ready at 4am bahhhh... Means I'll either have to set the alarm to wake up and deal with it, or leave it to set longer which will make the yogurt creamier and heavier. Doesn't sound too bad huh? =)

On a side note, these first few batches of yogurt will be going to mommy and daddy. Baby's still battling constipation and yogurt makes things worse. So we'll hold on till maybe her 9th or 10th month =) But I betcha she's gonna love it!

Ooooo I can't wait for my Strawberry flavored yogurt to be ready!

Shall review it once completed and tasted!

Constipation battle part II

2011-02-04T05:57:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here, typing with my heart broken into many tiny pieces.

Tonight, I watched helplessly as my baby cried with tears and pushed with all her might until her fists shook trying to poo.

I watched as the poo surfaced, only to be sucked back in, just like childbirth. With each push she cried even louder. She was in pain. My baby was in so much pain and there was nothing we could do to stop it.

I tried lubricating my finger to help dig some out, but it was just too hard. Only little bits came out.

I couldn't look at her because that drove me to tears, and I knew I had to be calm cause that was the only way I could help. So we started singing her favorite songs, trying to make her feel better. But it only worked to ease the surface tension. She was still in pain.

We had tried everything, short of an enema and a visit to the docs cause it's CNY and all the paeds we normally go to are closed.

Pear, prune juice, taking her off all food but breastmilk and pear. Prayer and more prayer. We've tried it, and it hasn't worked. She's not dehydrated because she's been wetting her diapers like crazy since the juice and water.

I am lost. I have never felt this helpless before. All I know is that I have this huge ache in my heart now and I can't speak, I can't sleep, all I can do to ease the tension is to type.

My hope is in the Lord. His love and mercies are abundant and abounding... Lord may healing come soon...

Of constipation and drinking water

2011-01-30T06:28:00.000-08:00

Since starting Alyssa on porridge, she has been experiencing constipation... quite bad ones actually =(

At first, my remedy was pureed pear. It'll work like a charm and the next day, she'll have nice soft liquidy poo. But the magic wore out after a couple of weeks. Started giving her vege porridge and still that didn't work.

So I tried giving her water. Since birth she has not taken water. And as predicted, she rejected it. Literally took a sip, and then realised it wasn't milk and spat it out like a whale's blowhole. *sigh* So the hubby and I would forcefully restrain her and try to force down as much water as possible. Most days, that would be no water as she's gotten really good at controlling what goes down and spitting out everything else. =/

So after a month of doing this, I had almost given up. Till yesterday when I was drinking water and noticed her observing me. Lightbulb! I put my cup to her mouth and she drank! Gulp gulp gulp we heard and we were sooo thrilled!!!! So as of yesterday, I've been nicely feeding her water with a cup! She makes a mess cause she's not used to drinking from anything without a teat or spout, but heck, I don't mind the mess at all as long as she's drinking water. So I really pray that her constipation will be a thing of the past real soon! Thank God for guiding us!

Miek miek

2011-01-30T06:21:00.000-08:00

28th January 2011, 5.20pm

Alyssa: Emmmmmmmmmmm Muuh muuh....
Me: Mama??? What did you say? Did you say Mama??
Alyssa: Emmmmmmm (whiny cryish tone) emmmmmmmm miek miek.........
Hubby: I think she's saying milk milk.
Me: Try the bottle.
Hubby: (shows her the bottle)
Alyssa: EMMMMMMMM MIEK MIEKKK MIEK MIEKKKKKKKK (more cries)
Us: Oh gosh...
Me: Her first word's milk milk!!! ARgggggggggggggg

There goes the battle for the first word. Looks like neither of us won. Milk did. =/

Nevertheless, here's a record of this milestone: First babble word: Milk at 8 months 8 days =)

Becoming a Kiasu mommy??

2011-01-16T22:16:00.000-08:00

In 3 days, I would've been a mommy for 8 months. How time flies.

Have been taking time out to reflect this past week and I've noticed a big wart! I may be transforming into mommy-zilla, or kiasu mommy in a more Asian term.

Here's why I think so:

For me, the line between bragging and being proud of my daughter is slowly blurring. I keep "bragging" about my daughter's achievements on FB statuses. It has become almost a natural thing. When she does something, I feel the urge to construct beautiful FB statuses to tell the FB world about it. I rationalize that I'm just so proud that I want to shout it to the whole world. See how the lines have blurred?
I constantly am comparing my daughter to others, especially in terms of reaching milestones! The other day, I got a bit concerned that my daughter's pearly whites are still no where to be seen, while other babies already have nice ones at 6 months. Then my husband stopped me and made me think of how exactly would teething late be catastrophic. Needless to say, it wasn't catastrophic at all! Loud alarms went off "Kiasu, kiasu, kiasu!"
I feel the urge to get my daughter the best of the best that I can afford. Yes, I know the RM20 toy is probably just as good as the RM50 but still.... Oh goodness... sigh. That's where all my money has been going. To fill this crazy irrational "need".

The good and bad thing about being trained in psychology and counseling is that it is often very easy to spot all my craziness. To compound the issue, my husband is also trained in the same fields so when I have come up with some nice justification, it doesn't slip past my husband. =/

I've more or less come up with how this all started and why I've resorted to becoming mommy-zilla, which is a story for another day. So this now leaves me with a question "What am I going to do with this knowledge?" *ponders*

First Photoshoot with Uncle Juan

2011-01-13T02:58:00.000-08:00

My brother is multi-talented. One of his recent passions is photography - much to my delight! It's a plus point that he is absolutely in love with his niece! After much planning, a date was set for Toothless' first photoshoot! But due to some last minute matters, we only managed to get to Uncle Juan when Toothless was close to her nap time. =( It was tough, but she was a champ! Gave us lotsa smiles when daddy and mommy pranced around like crazy people singing, cheering, and dancing.

Here are the results!

Couple time = minimal

2011-01-13T01:20:00.000-08:00

Since we took a trip to PD this year end for church camp, Toothless' schedule changed. It started with just one night of sleeping at 8pm then waking at 9pm to throw her beautiful sleep schedule off course.

Prior to the trip, she'd take 3 naps in the day, amounting to 2 hours max, and then sleep at 8.30pm right up until 7am. Never waking in the night at all. Bliss.

So since camp, her day schedule has remained unchanged. But her night schedule is horrendous! Especially in the past week. Her usual 8.30pm bed time has been - for the past 3 days - pushed to 10.30pm and last night, 11pm!!!!

As such, couple time has been minimal.

We still keep to the routine of spending time with her, prayers, last feed, and putting her in the cot. Only problem is, this period has coincided with her learning to crawl (Christmas) and pulling herself up on the cot! So everytime she goes into the cot, it's practice time!!! She'll spend an hour to hour and a half just practicing and feeling realllllyyy good about herself. Giggle giggle, fall, climb up again, giggle giggle again. *sigh*

So the battle begins, we've tried patting, singing, feeding, letting her loose to tire her out, and even restraining her but nothing works. Did some research and it could be the practicing period for the new skill and things should go back to normal after she's mastered the skill. I hope that will be the case.

So till then, daddy and mommy will need to have couple time while putting her to sleep. =/

Hmm...

2011-01-13T00:46:00.000-08:00

Took a day to fiddle, and decided on this. But I'm not too happy with the fonts though. =/ The problem with fonts is, they are properly displayed only if readers have the fonts installs on their PCs. So the fonts from my library look really good on my PC but not on another if the fonts aren't installed... making my fonts look like a mishmash of funny-looking fonts. =/

Shall stick with this for the time-being. Till then, this shall be it!

Renovation Works in Progress!

2011-01-12T02:57:00.000-08:00

I shall be taking a hiatus from blogging to work on a fresh look! Hopefully I'll get it done soon!

Ta!

Official Business - MyKid registration and name alteration

2011-01-06T21:16:00.000-08:00

I delivered Alyssa in SDMC and as with all private hospitals, the hospital tries their best to make application for your baby's birth certificate and IC (MyKid) a more pleasant and easy task. As such, they provide the new mom with a letter from your OB, duly completed forms (except the name of the baby, obviously!), as well as a congratulatory letter with instructions on how to get through the application process.

Here's what this process entails:
1. Fill up application form (usually issued by the hospital as there is a column for doctor's signature).
2. Bring the following to your nearest JPN:
(a) duly completed application form
(b) parents' ICs (original and 1 photocopy - front and back on same sheet)
(c) hospital appointment card (original and 1 photocopy)
(d) letter from hospital (original and 1 photocopy)
Note: baby and mother are not required to be present. Parents can even nominate a relative to submit the application, but you'll need an extra form stating authorization from the parents.

And application is free.

You'll then receive the birth cert on the day itself. We made ours in the SEPUTEH branch in Endah Parade Sri Petaling, which was really empty so Justin managed to get her birth cert in 5 mins. Whereas if the registration was done in more busy branches (e.g. putrajaya), it'll take 30 mins - 1 hour.

But here's the issue I had with JPN seputeh - the lady that Justin dealt with was either lazy, or not fully trained.

On the form we printed very clearly our daughter's name. Her chinese name was to be hyphenated: Kye-li. Justin was told that a hyphen (-) could not be used in the child's name. So boggled and tired, Justin said ok and left it as it.

When we discussed about it after the fact, it was clear that it may not be such as my name had a hyphen in it!! So either policies were changed from when I was born, or this lady had no idea what she was talking about, or she couldn't find the (-) key on her keyboard to key the hyphen in. So this furious mommy did some research and it turns out, the JPN's official policy states that hyphens, commas, and aliases are permitted symbols!

With that, we went back to Seputeh to make the amendment, only to be told amendments can only be made in their head quarters - JPN Putrajaya. Sigh. So we put it off till December this year. Note: any alteration to a child's name can only be done within TWO windows: (1) from birth to the child's first birthday; (2) When the child reaches 12 years old.

Researched the whole process again and here's the how-to should you want to alter your child's name.

(1) obtain forms from JPN office (we got ours from Putrajaya)
(2) complete all sections
(3) you are required to have these following documents:
(a) completed forms + stamp and signature of a commissioner for oaths for one of the sections
(b) parents' ICs (both mom and dad's original and 1 photocopy)
(c) child's birth cert (original and 1 photocopy)
(d) any other official documents with name of the child (e.g. insurance policy, bank account etc)
(e) MyKid card (original)
(4) Go to the ticketing counter, show them your completed forms, take number
(5) submit forms, pay RM2 for processing fee. Submit MyKid card.
(6) wait for a new birth cert, pay RM5 for new birth cert.
(7) Collect and keep slip to pick up new MyKid card 1 month later. Note: you can request for the MyKid to be sent to a JPN branch closest to you.

So all in all, it was a tedious process, especially queuing up for the commissioner for oaths' signature. Sigh. But at the end of the day, what made it all worth while was that the JPN officer at Putrajaya who served us was a wonderful wonderful man! He was not only polite, kind, and efficient, he also had a sense of humor! =)) So maybe there is hope for JPN afterall!

An update... finally

2010-12-07T22:23:00.000-08:00

I finally have the time to sit down and blog. The little Toothless monster is taking her 2nd nap of the day.

Since 2 weeks ago, I've been having a taste of what it means to be a SAHM (stay at home mom). When Toothless was 6 weeks old, she's been my companion at work. I'd bring her bright and early to work, there grandpa, grandma, and I will tag team to feed, put her to sleep and play with her. I thank God that my job is flexible enough and my parents are there with me to help me through. So now I'm on school holidays, and Toothless can finally enjoy being a stay at home baby!

I was worried that with all the activity and excitement in school, she never would get a stable environment to build a stable routine. So building a routine was my top priority in the holidays. That said, I had no idea where to begin! So wisdom really comes from God! After just observing her and letting her take the lead for a week, as well as faithfully recording her every feed, activity etc... I finally saw a pattern emerge!! And she's been sticking to it really really well!

She now takes about 5 feeds a day, 3 naps, and sleeps around 8.30-9.30pm most nights she'll sleep well up till 7am or 8am. =)

Another notable event happened 2 weeks ago... Toothless fell sick!! Her first viral attack had a name - Roseola. Started with a fever, went on to cough, flu, and rash. Took her a whole week and a half for the body to fight it off. =( poor baby! But she's all better now!

Still the virus really really impacted her night time sleep routine. For as long as she was sick, she was waking almost every 1-2 hours! And on 2 occasions, she woke up to cry for 3 hours straight. Nothing but carrying would soothe her. On top of that, it was during the time I caught her virus and was sick as well. So it was back to sleepless nights for the whole household! Those nights, I just felt abandoned... alone... helpless and hopeless. Felt like a failure to say the least. But I really thank God that I have Toothless. For better or worse, I wouldn't want it any other way!

So those are my mini updates. Shall really try to update more often =/ *fingers crossed*

Till then! Tata!

Guilt Stricken

2010-10-21T07:00:00.000-07:00

Alyssa turned 5 months yesterday. We've made it past 5 months. Looking back I don't know how we could've done it without God... From a single sperm and egg, 37 weeks later, a baby. And 5 months later, here we are. It's been a heck of a ride, and I'm not exaggerating when I say we're enjoying it!

But I can't help but wonder how things would've turned out if I was, as I planned, a stay at home mom. I returned to work 6 weeks post partum. Since then, she's been faithfully following me to work every week day, and to music practices on Saturday, and then to church and my in laws on Sunday. So my baby is practically out every single day.

Until today, it still pains me every single morning when we have to go out. Left without a morning outing, and she sleeps well through till 10am. But because of work and practices, she is forced to wake up at 8am. Come work time, the excitement, boisterous children, bright lights, and noisy traffic heard from the room where her cot is located... these things keep my girl awake and she barely gets 2 hours of sleep from 8am-4pm.

So far she's been taken care of by my parents and me during work hours. I thank God for my parents and the flexible work arrangements that allow Alyssa to be cared for all the time. But it still pains me deeply that she's not growing in a stable home where she should be.

Deep down, I want to be a stay at home mom. I want to be there for my baby. I want to give my best to her and not to other people's children. My baby needs me. Yet, what I can muster up to give her... is a far cry from what I'd imagined.

Somehow we've been managing... somehow my baby has still been developing well. Somehow she still gets her 15-18 hours of sleep every day. She's still developing slightly above average. She's healthy and happy. That somehow is grace.

After having Alyssa, I had to rethink life. I used to take on a whole lot of things. I loved being productive, hence the constant pushing and all. Gave in to many demands and built a reputation for being able to do many things. But after Alyssa, my focus has shifted to that of providing for the needs of my child. my best from Monday to Friday is given to my work and students. So whatever time I have left with Alyssa, I aim to make it quality time. Because of this, I've had to cut down on a number of tasks. I can no longer hang out as much, stay out as late, go out for movies, go shopping on a fly, spend Sundays lazing around, go out for supper, serve in church as much, and the list goes on.

While juggling the shift of identities, work, marriage, and other commitments, I have inevitably come to realise a nugget of truth - I cannot do them all. Some things have got to be sacrificed. And I've decided long ago - it ain't gonna be my kid! So I do apologize if I have let any of you down by not being able to perform as well as I used to. This is what happens when you have a little person who depends on you for her every need. For those who are yet to have children, just wait till you have one of your own, then perhaps you will be able to understand my predicament. For those who have children who are all grown up, perhaps you'd forgotten how hard it was to raise a child? Especially in this day and age. I am afterall a newbie mom.

Until I can phase off from my job, I'll strive to put everything else on hold so I can spend good quality time with Alyssa. She's growing up so fast. I don't want to be that mom who looks at her teenage daughter and asks herself "how did she grow up so fast?? where did all the time go?" I only have that many years to spend with my girl until the day comes when she will no longer need me, so maybe after all is said and done, I don't really apologize for putting her first (after God that is). =)

Lord, I thank You for this child. Please give me the wisdom to raise her like you intended. Amen.

Wow Wee!

2010-09-01T06:53:00.000-07:00

Thus was my reaction when I did a recent 'stock count' of my milk production. 260 ounces in the freezer, 12 ounces in the fridge. That's a total of 272 ounces since I got my Medela Freestyle pump (absolutely love it!!!) when Alyssa was 6 weeks old. She's turning 15 weeks tomorrow and that marks the 9th week of my electric pumping journey

Looking back at the days prior to the pump, I had a manual Medela one which required 40 minutes of non stop squeezing on the lever to yield a total of 2 ounces of milk! I religiously did that for a whole 6 weeks, round the clock, every 2 hours. How I managed to remain sane? God's grace! I remember praying before each pump, for God to bless my factories and enable them to do what they were made to do. 9 weeks down the line, my freezer is living testimony of His providence and grace! =)

Now I get an average of 5-7 ounces per pump session if I pump every 4 hours. Some days I get busy and stretch it to a 6 hour gap, I can get up to 10 ounces. So far the record has been 11 ounces! *clap clap*. I run the pump for an average of 6 sessions per day, so that's an average of 30 ounces minimum per day. So far Alyssa drinks about 24-26 ounces per day. Still hoping for her to up her intake.

With the pumping routine well established, I've set a goal to keep providing her breastmilk till she's 1. Still haven't worked out when I'll start cutting down on pumps sessions to wean my factories off.

Which then brings me to the next issue - solids!!! I first got excited when Karlyn's mom bought me a baby recipe book! Browsing through the many recipes got me all excited!! So what occupies whatever free time I have now is reading up about solids. From what I can gather, 6 months is a good time to start. Introducing solids too early has its risks. So, as it stands, 6 months is the mark.

What I especially like about the whole breast pumping and solid food making scenario, is the great sense of achievement gained from being able to provide for my daughter. I am really amazed at God's design. The more I read about pureeing, the greater my delight! I'm getting goosebumps just typing this! But that said, I've read that some moms really dislike the pureeing stage. Only way for me to find out is when Alyssa gets to 6 months and I try it out on my own.

I'm an Exclusively Pumping Mommy.

2010-06-28T00:38:00.001-07:00

Title says it all... I never knew there was a term for it, but after spending days getting used to the routine, I desperately needed some guidance and referred to the great oracle - Google. Lo and behold, I realised I am not alone!! There's a huge network of other exclusive pumpers out there.

Before I go any further let me first explain what exclusively pumping means. Basically, it's when a mommy feeds breastmilk to her baby via bottle, not breast... in other words, baby's not fed through the tap so to say. Why? Many reasons actually, premies are at the top of the list, followed by nipple and latch problems. Mine's the latter.

My first breastfeeding experience was a nightmare and left me trying so very hard to hold in my tears. I knew beforehand that my nipples would create a problem with latching on, but there was hope that maybe the baby could learn how to latch on, or maybe towards the end of pregnancy my nipples would resemble that or normal ones. But it never happened. Baby was hungry, lactation consultant was there to teach the proper latch on. I held baby in my arms, she was ready to go, mouth opened wide, I put her to breast and she just couldn't latch on... after a few more tries... she burst out into a scream... and my heart just dropped. I could not do the single more natural thing - breastfeed... I could not provide for my hungry baby.

Next few days, I still tried. Until one day I just gave up. Back at home, I had my medela pump, and I got to work trying to make my milk come. Day 4, it came. Pumping was exhilarating!! I saw trickles of whitish fluid emerging and it clicked, I CAN produce milk after all!! The rest is history.

It's been almost a month and half now of exclusive pumping. Here's the drill... I pump almost every 2 hours, feed, then wash and sterilize everything. Day and night. The number of hours of sleep I get? about 4 hours of interrupted sleep. It's a lonely journey... I'm up with the sounds of her hunger whimpers, I head downstairs to retrieved refridgerated milk, put it in the warmer, and feed (which take her 30-40 mins sometimes), then proceed to pumping (which takes another 30-40 mins), then wash and sterilize, and get back to sleep... only to be awaken about 1+hours later. It's certainly God's grace that has brought me through these nights of sleep deprivation... And what's more challenging is that on top of juggling all this... I have to ensure I get enough "rest" so my milk production maintains. I find this rather hillarious... the irony. =/

Found something uplifting today while reading other pumping mommy's blogs for support... Entitled "Cows with names produce more milk" (hilarious!!)

And I think about how we breastfeeding human moms run ourselves ragged. We get so little sleep. If we go back to work then we are especially burning the candle at both ends. Not to mention how hard the exclusively pumping moms are working. It's not easy. But we do it anyway because we know it's important.
If this is you, be nice to yourself. And realizing you are worth being treated well and making sure that you are treated that way just may help you produce more, too.
Source

I go back to work in 2 days. I do not know how I am going to fair juggling work, feeds, pumping, and keeping my health and sanity in check. I can more or less envision how things may turn out, but everyone knows reality may differ greatly. Only way to find out is to dive in. Not like I have any other choice.

I shall heed the advice and be nice to myself. For today, that means not bothering about whether the dishes are done, clothes are hung, floor is swept... for today it means not bothering whether or not I smile or make life easier for some people.. for today.. it means I just want to take a break! I'm a cow with a name for goodness' sake!! And this sleep deprived, highly stressed cow needs a well deserved break and a pat on the back for a month + of work well done.

On a side note, I absolutely dislike it when people keep probing about my breastfeeding attempts. I shall articulate it to the world here... I am exclusively pumping, breastfeeding doesn't work for me and the baby.I am already doing the BEST I can, the BEST I know how... So let me be. please!

Mommy Diaries Entry 2

2010-06-21T00:22:00.000-07:00

I'm almost through the day alone with Alyssa!

Confinement is done, mom is gone, and I'm left alone with Alyssa. I think we did quite well today! =D

Short short updates:
Confinement - I actually enjoyed my confinement. The food was awesome actually =D But towards the last week, I decided I shall stay away from ginger and sesame oil for a while. Credits to my mom and mother in law for cooking up a storm of wonderfully delicious food breakfast, lunch, and dinner! Oooo the only part of confinement I absolutely disliked was the "not being allowed to bathe" part. Which I only adhered to for the first 6 days.. yes... 6 days of no bath!! Yuck!

Baby's milestones - My girl's neck is VERY STRONG. She could lift her neck on her own at day 4! And now, (1 month) she can lift her head and back (sometimes aided by her legs to kick up on me) for a good 1 min! Amazing right?? I'm so proud! She is very inquisitive (from her daddy). She loves loves loves to just observe. Many times the best way to sooth her is to take her around and show her new things, especially new faces. She was so amazed and glued to the many many new faces she saw yesterday!

She is a VERY noisy sleeper. Lots of grunts, snorts, yelps.. you name it... she does it in her sleep!! Gosh, this started in her 2nd week and Justin and I were so worried we stayed up all night just checking on her.. only to read from the net that it's perfectly normal =/

Her night time feeds are... well.. not so routine yet.. at times she wakes every 2 hours for feeds, at times (like last night) she wakes only once at 3am, and then again at 7am... so that's real great! But I still wake every 2 hours to express milk. =/

Hm.. I think these are all the important updates. Don't really have time to really blog though. To the joys of parenthood (I am not sarcastic here) =)

The Mommy Diary - Entry 1: Week 3

2010-06-14T05:25:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day =) Despite only having about 3 hours of sleep, for met was a good day =)

Spent half the day home alone with Alyssa. Mom's at camp and Justin was at work I sorta dreaded tday in fear that I wouldn't be able to cope. But thank God all went well. Hooray!

I know I have to sorta make a note of the past 3 weeks, because they flew by! And before I know it, I'd forgotten lots of things.

So I shall place a note here on the things I have to blog about and actually write when I have the time.

1. weekly highlights
2. feelings/thoughts
3. the confinement experience

till I find the time to blog, tata!

The Personal God

2010-05-25T20:37:00.000-07:00

Exactly 365 days. That's how long the wait took.

20th May 2009 was a day my heart felt it was ripped into a million pieces. My eyes cried till they could no longer cry, and my head ached with every thought that came. I had questions - many... anger - so much... And what followed were months of silence until one Sunday, 2 months later, all I was told was "just a little longer, just a little longer". I held onto this, not knowing for sure if it was my desperate heart speaking or the gentle whisper of my Lord.

20th May 2010 was the date my gynae set for the C-section. It rang a bell straight away... It was a day I was wondering how I'd spend seeing it was the day we realised we lost our first child. Seems that God had it all planned... it was supposed to be a day of mourning, but He turned it into dancing. It was supposed to be a day of gloom, but He turned it into a day of rejoicing! Still my hard head and skeptical mind thought... "what a coincidence... maybe this wasn't really divine intervention, maybe it was just coincidental...after all... we don't even know if baby is ready to be brought into the world... the C-sect may just be us yanking her out prematurely".

I thought this until 5.15am on 20th May 2010 when my waters broke... then I knew... I knew she was ready, and I knew this was God. He had it all planned... And we never saw it coming...

365 days was how long we had to wait... truly Father, it was just a little longer.

This is the personal God I know and love... Lord, You who made the heavens and the earth would stoop down to earth to plan and orchestrate something so "small" just for us... You knew our heart's desires and You chose to bless us this way... There is none like You.

I love You Lord, with all my heart I can truly say I love You.

We still miss our first baby. We always will... Death is temporary - that's the truth of Jesus. One day we will be reunited with him/her, we will know his/her face, get to hold him/her for all eternity. When that time comes, NOTHING can separate us again.

How it all happened

2010-05-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

From my previous post, many would've known that Alyssa was scheduled to be delivered by C-section. Here's how it went.

19th May 2010
We "check-ed in" to SDMC at 7pm, Justin went to settle admission procedures while I was on the 3rd floor labor ward being briefed on the "events" that were to follow. I remember feeling excited on one hand yet jittery... All I remember telling myself was "where's my husband? I need my husband!" =) Justin came back shortly and we requested to leave for dinner.

Since this would be our "last" dinner before we become a family, we decided to splurge on something nice, God was so good! Of all the Jap restaurants (yes we love Jap food!), Justin picked a REALLY great one, price was right and food was simply superb! Had a nice reflective
dinner and headed back to the hospital.

It was disappointing, though we had registered our interest for a single room so Justin could stay the night, no single rooms were available... we spent the night just talking and cuddling until it was time for Justin to leave. We were still harboring hopes that baby would turn in the right position so I'll be spared the C-sect.

Dr. Tang came in at 11pm to check on me, and baby was still head up. *sigh* At that point, I prayed a prayer of release. I told God to do as He pleased, what was important was that I remained obedient because He had only our best in mind.

The night was horrid... being a very light sleeper, any noise would keep me awake... Imagine listening to the orchestra of snores throughout the night from my roommate. =/ And then when I could finally dose off, nurses would come and check for blood pressure and temperature. I remember texting my sister in UK and having her keep me company.

20th May 2010:

At 4am, contractions started, moderately strong period cramps that would come and go. I curled up into a ball on my side and tried to sleep. At 5.15am a gush of warm fluid greeted me. I jumped, and it clicked - my waters broke!!! This was really significant for me...because ever since being told I had to go through a C-sect, our greatest fears were that we'd be bringing our baby into the world earlier than she'd like. But my waters breaking that morning was taken as a sign from God of His reassurance that His timing is perfect. =) I shall blog about this in my next post. I called Justin and he rushed to hospital. It was wonderful having him by my side =)

Called for the nurse and she performed a check for cervix dilation - this was VERY uncomfortable!! I was 1 cm dilated. She then hooked me up on a CTG and I was told to count contractions. I had strong ones lasting 20 seconds, being 2 mins apart. If I remembered what I read, those were some pretty good contractions! Another nurse came in 30 mins later, and exclaimed, "Superb contractions! You can beat any woman in advance labor", I was 1.5cm dilated then. Oooh yes, the breathing techniques REALLY WORK. But playing Tetris worked even better!! hehehe.

Dr. Tang was notified, and she came into check on me at 7am, baby was still head up. So my C-sect was bumped up from 9.30am t0 8am.

Nurse came in to put in my Catheter... which I hated. It's a tube inserted to drain your pee. =( very uncomfortable.

I was then wheeled out of my room to the OT, said bye bye to Justin.

In the OT I had music to listen to, courtesy of the anesthesiologist, which did a superb job! Felt no pain with all the needles and IV lines inserted into me =) Good job Dr. Ngun!

Then came the big moment, in a matter of what seemed to be 20-25 mins, Dr. Tang said, here comes your baby.. *pause* Aiya.... stuck... Seems that a part of her was stuck somewhere in me. So Dr. Tang gave a few hard yanks, I felt my body being tugged from side to side, and finally my baby girl was out!! Moments later, I heard a hearty cry! First thought, Ohhh my, such strong lungs.. I didn't get to see her immediately though... nurses cleaned her up, and 10 mins later, she was placed next to me... Eyes wide, rosy cheeks... I teared. =)

An hour later, I was back in my room.

Everything happened so quickly... on hindsight, all I really want to say is Lord You are so so good! Your grace is exceeding, abundant, so far above and beyond anything we even dare ask for!

As I'm typing, my baby is by my side.. so peaceful... *sigh* =)

She's finally here!

2010-05-21T03:10:00.000-07:00

"Final" day off

2010-05-17T00:24:00.000-07:00

Yeap, I have the day off today, following the Saturday Homeschool Sports Day.

Realised that this is the very last day off I'll have.. ALL to myself for a while. Reason being: our daughter's going to be delivered this Thursday =)

The story is such: We went for our routine checkup last Wednesday where I was hooked up to a CTG to monitor baby's heartbeat as well as uterine contractions. After 40 minutes of staring at the ceiling and occasionally falling asleep, the verdict was this - baby's heartbeat is happy and healthy, and mommy's uterus is indeed contracting. The gynae then proceeded to explain that my contractions were strong. To illustrate how strong, she added that if I were a 2nd time mommy, these contractions would signal that I'm at least 2-3cm dilated. Yeap.

Now the "problem" was this... baby was still breech - head up, feet below. And in her experience, once contractions like that start it will be not more than 2 weeks and real labor will start. She couldn't have that happen because if labor should start and baby's legs or umbilical cord drop out first.. it will be life threatening to the baby. So in short, she scheduled me for a C-section this Thursday 20th May 2010.

It took me a few days to fully digest this. In my mind, I had 3 weeks more to prepare for her arrival... all of a sudden, that was knocked down to 8 days! Also I was worried that she'd only be 37weeks and 5 days on the day of the C-sect, but doc said that she was a good size and there was nothing to worry about.. Her estimated fetal weight = 3.1kg.

I guess the biggest thing for me is that I felt somewhat incompetent... somewhat as though I'm not able to perform one of nature's most natural functions. =/ That's a story for another day.

It's been a few days since, and many people have been telling me that they feel strongly that our girl's going to turn at the last minute and I won't need a C-sect!!! I say, keep praying and keep believing!! That's what we're doing now, we're going to be admitted as planned, and pray that when they do the final scan, she'll be right side up =)

Keep us in prayers will you? =)

My Feet!!!! Gasps

2010-05-10T07:50:00.000-07:00

My poor feet and legs now resemble those of an elephant =( My once dainty slender feet are now puffy... =( This is the plague of Edema (water retention). And it started getting bad on Saturday... Just today, the swelling went up to my knees and squatting down made me feel as though my skin was going to burst open and rivers of water would flow out from my legs... =(

Remedies:
Propping up my feet whenever possible
drinking lots of water

On a more positive note, baby's coming soon!!!

Hooray!!

Baby Spurts - week 34

2010-04-27T05:58:00.000-07:00

See the big picture

Welcome Week 34!

How your baby's growing:

Your baby now weighs about 4 3/4 pounds (like your average cantaloupe) and is almost 18 inches long. Her fat layers — which will help regulate her body temperature once she's born — are filling her out, making her rounder. Her skin is also smoother than ever. Her central nervous system is maturing and her lungs are continuing to mature as well. If you've been nervous about preterm labor, you'll be happy to know that babies born between 34 and 37 weeks who have no other health problems generally do fine. They may need a short stay in the neonatal nursery and may have a few short-term health issues, but in the long run, they usually do as well as full-term babies.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

By this week, fatigue has probably set in again, though maybe not with the same coma-like intensity of your first trimester. Your tiredness is perfectly understandable, given the physical strain you're under and the restless nights of frequent pee breaks and tossing and turning, while trying to get comfortable. Now's the time to slow down and save up your energy for labor day (and beyond). If you've been sitting or lying down for a long time, don't jump up too quickly. Blood can pool in your feet and legs, causing a temporary drop in your blood pressure when you get up that can make you feel dizzy.

If you notice itchy red bumps or welts on your belly and possibly your thighs and buttocks as well, you may have a condition called pruritic urticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy (PUPPP for short). Up to one percent of pregnant women develop PUPPP, which is harmless but can be quite uncomfortable. See your practitioner so she can make sure it's not a more serious problem, provide treatment to make you more comfortable, and refer you to a dermatologist if necessary. Also be sure to call her if you feel intense itchiness all over your body, even if you don't have a rash. It could signal a liver problem.

Slide your way to slumber "In the third trimester, turning over in bed is a nightmare. The solution? Big satin pajamas and even satin sheets — the slipperiness of satin helps tremendously!" — Carrie

Momma Bump - 33 & 34 weeks

2010-04-27T05:53:00.001-07:00

Hello!!

Here's momma bump taken on the 34th week =) Measurement: 104cm. Current weight 61kg... =(

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Darn those Hormones!!

2010-04-24T06:35:00.000-07:00

I grew up believing that hormone-related moodswings were... a cop out. That is, it is possible to control those emotions. And I don't remember having an episode of the "once a month psychotic break".

Here I am in the final weeks of my pregnancy and I'm finding it hard to fight those emotions... This week has been especially tiring. Out of no where I just start feeling blue. No antecedent... It's just BANG, and I feel bad... and my tear ducts become oh-so-weak.

Now I'm sitting in my room and crying to Two is Better than One by boys like girls. Do you know how silly that sounds?? It's a happy love song for goodness' sake!! Sigh...

And today in antenatal class, I actually teared at a delivery video!! A lump in my throat developed when the lady in the video was huffing, puffing, and pushing. Then when her baby came out. My heart skipped a few beats and I fought so hard to hold in the tears.. and not risk looking like a complete idiot!

I just feel so out of control... Darn those hormones!! Oh Lord.. just a few more weeks... Hold me.. please hold me now...

The CTG Experience

2010-04-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

Our last checkup was on Wednesday, and everything was great, except that she's still breech. =( Justin's still calm about it though.

Then yesterday, her movements changed a little. She was less active. Her normal pattern is such:

She wakes when I wake, usually around 8.15am. There are usually a few nudges here and there, nothing big or sudden (typical of a girl rite? =D).

At about 9.30-10.15, she really starts her morning aerobics. Lots of big waves on mommy's tummy, and it seems as tough she's really close to the surface. So a gentle rub on my tummy and you'll be able to feel her! This continues on till about 11.30 or so. Usually she finishes her 10 movements around this time.

Then there's a short break for lunch and after lunch, she's probably energized by the food or annoyed by the sounds of my digestion, so she moves and squirms again!

Then it's lots of rest till about 2.30pm. Rest again till 3.30ish -4pm. That's when she's super super active again! Then we leave office, she enjoys the car ride and falls asleep again till 6pm when daddy comes home. She moves about when he's back. She most probably misses his voice after a long day of listening to screaming mommy and her screaming students.

After that, she's quiet till after dinner. And in the past week, has been awake somewhere around 9pm. When I sleep, she sleeps. The routine continues.

Yesterday she didn't follow the routine. In fact her 10 movements finished at 1pm. And at 4, she wasn't moving much. This carried on till the night. Moved about when daddy came home, but after that, nothing much... My night was spent trying to relax, prop my legs up, lie on my side, everything, to try to make her move. And nope.. nothing much.. I prayed and prayed... But my emotions were all over the place and it was just so hard to listen to Him...

That's when we started to really worry. cause we've heard how these atypical movements can signal that the cord is entangled, or around baby's neck etc... and the midwives in antenatal class and at the hospital mentioned to just go to the emergency ward should any variance in movement happen.

We tossed and turned, weighed the pros and cons and finally decided, at 12.30am, to visit the emergency ward for a CTG (cardiotocograph) which jots down baby's heartbeat. This can give insight as to whether there's anything wrong e.g. cord round neck, etc.

2 discs were strapped to my bump and I heard her heartbeat for a full 25 mins. It was amazing to hear her heart go. But then my heart would skip a beat when it became faster/slower. And I also heard her kick the discs, big "doof, doof" ... Must've been invading her space. =)

So yeap, the midwife assured us that she was very active, told me to get some rest and to learn to worry less (yeap... hehehe). And this cost us RM71.

We left the hospital at 1.20am and were seriously drained. But Justin reminded me, that trading a little sleep and money for assurance that our girl is fine was worth it. =) He even joked "Hey, so now we can say that we've had the CTG experience!" hahahhaha. I love my husband, he's just so cute!!!

To all my friends out there who are worry-warts like me... one thing I've learned, since we're no expert in this, and there's no way can tell if everything's alright... there's nothing wrong in being extra cautious. As the midwives said, once you feel off, just pay a visit to the ward and get a CTG done, it doesn't harm the baby, it's affordable, and most importantly, it's better to be safe than sorry. =)

Thank God everything's fine!!! =D

p.s, today, she's back to normal.. in fact, she's more active today... it's like she was making up for yesterday.

Feeling a little teary-eyed

2010-04-17T06:58:00.000-07:00

I didn't enjoy today's antenatal class. Mainly because I've been feeling 'off' this whole day. For the whole day a cloud of heaviness has been following me. And I just realised it's the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Antenatal class covered topics on labor and breastfeeding. All of a sudden I just felt this great burden. I kept thinking, I'm not ready for this... how am I going to cope with... and with ... and with ... and then with....

Now it's just spiraled down to me wondering if I'll even make a decent mother. This tiny helpless, defenseless baby is mine to care for... I am her primary caregiver... Her life will depend on how well I do.

At this point, I just wish I could keep her inside of me... At least I won't need to stress if she's getting enough food, sleep etc.

And then there was a segment in the class where the trainer described labor and said that it will be painful... very painful... And all those horror stories I read and heard about came to mind... So right now I'm feeling... just overwhelmed.

On top of that, my laptop decided to crash. For no good reason, crash! Blue screens have flashed acrossed my eyes this entire evening. I've not mentioned, it's still new!

So I am teary-eyed now... All of a sudden... things just seem to insurmountable and scary... All of a sudden, I just feel so small...

Is this just the hormones?

Momma bump - week 31

2010-04-13T05:19:00.000-07:00

Here's a pic of my bump for last week =)

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Waist currently measures 102.5cm =)

Baby Registry is Officially Open!

2010-04-13T00:44:00.000-07:00

We would like to hereby announce the opening of our Baby Registry!!

We already have a few items taken up by wonderful wonderful friends (THANK YOU!)

Feel free to browse our page should you like to bless our little one with a gift =)

Once again, thank you for dropping by!

.:Baby Registry:.

Love,
Justin & Sher

Things people don't talk about

2010-04-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

I've always had a habit of being a busy body. Especially when it came to things that I knew I would one day be a part of, e.g. relationships, marriage, parenting. So I remember listening attentively to older women talk (or gossip) about their marriage, spouse, parenting, kids etc. Kinda my way of researching if you'd like.

But I've realised that being Asian means that there will bound to be things people won't talk about. Afterall, we've always been told never to "show our dirty linen" to the entire neighborhood. =/ There are heaps of truths in that wise saying. But sometimes I can't help but wonder... whether the world would be a better and less scarier place if people owned up once in a while that life ain't perfect instead of trying hard to cover everything up and create this facade. But hey, this is just strictly my own opinion.

My husband is a very private person, whereas I'm a little more.. opened. Because we are one, a lot of my reflections, speed bumps, trials and such involve him as well. So how much to share, when to share, to whom to share has to be taken into consideration. I shall attempt today to share a little of what I've been going through these past 32 weeks and 2 days.

1st trimester:
Finding out we were pregnant was a bit of a shocker. I've always known when I ovulated. That September 09, we had decided to try again and to my dismay, no signs of ovulation emerged. Only thing different was that we argued alot. I was constantly angry at anything and everything. Poor Justin. =( When we got back from a short trip to Singapore, something just didn't feel the same, and I told Justin, i'm 2 days late (but that's nothing big cause I've been later than that before). Did a pregnancy test and a very faint line appeared, tried again 2 days later and voila, a nice positive mark. I was happy, but I think... at that point I was more anxious and worried than happy... afterall... we had just lost a child 3 months ago.

Weeks that followed that were filled with lots of adjustments. Quite quickly I was tired, queasy all day long, and unable to do many things. Justin was shoved straight into assuming the new role of caring for me and himself, doing chores, ironing clothes, listen to my woes and worries etc. He had to (almost within 2 weeks or so) adjust to not having his "wife" and instead, having a sick and paranoid cat to deal with... On hindsight... I can't imagine how hard it must have been for him. As I grew more advanced into morning sickness, I also grew to be more demanding. Hence, took much much more than I gave. Lots of arguments broke forth in this trimester... I think both of us were just not prepared for the physical and emotional changes that came really really quickly after the positive sign appeared. It was as though we had stopped being a couple.

Second trimester:
Things were much better physically for me in this trimester. But for the past 3 months, a pattern had been established where I took and Justin gave. Even when I felt better, I got lazy... I stopped cooking and we stopped talking over the dinner table, we stopped spending time with each other doing couple things. Because all I could think of were things that we needed to get for the baby, baby names, and all things baby! With my new burst of energy, all I wanted to do was shop for all things baby!! Imagine the poor husband... who had his wife on temporary leave of absence for 3 months, to have her back.. only she's too caught up doing things for another person. Sigh...

We argued a whole lot this trimester too... it was a tug of war... On my part I couldn't understand why he was aversive towards the baby, and on his part he couldn't understand why everything changed all of a sudden and why he couldn't have his 'old' wife back.

Third trimester:
With days passing like hours, I admit having my head filled with worries about labor, birth, health and development of my child, the aftermath etc... But it has finally hit me... in 6-7 weeks' time, we'd never be the same again. Two will become three... then there's this sinking feeling that I've wasted many chances in the past few months to spend good quality time with my husband... my partner... my soul mate. Oh Lord.. I pray that we still have time left to mend whatever that needs mending. Amen.

Baby Spurts - Week 31

2010-04-08T20:27:00.001-07:00

See the big picture

Week 31

How your baby's growing:

This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side, and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. He's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

Have you noticed the muscles in your uterus tightening now and then? Many women feel these random contractions — called Braxton Hicks contractions — in the second half of pregnancy. Often lasting about 30 seconds, they're irregular, and at this point, they should be infrequent and painless. Frequent contractions, on the other hand — even those that don't hurt — may be a sign of preterm labor. Call your practitioner immediately if you have more than four contractions in an hour or any other signs of preterm labor: an increase in vaginal discharge or a change in the type of discharge (if it becomes watery, mucus-like, or bloody — even if it's pink or just tinged with blood); abdominal pain or menstrual-like cramping; an increase in pressure in the pelvic area; or low back pain, especially if you didn't have it before.

You may have noticed some leaking of colostrum, or "premilk," from your breasts lately. If so, try tucking some nursing pads into your bra to protect your clothes. (And if not, it's certainly nothing to worry about; your breasts are making colostrum all the same, even if you don't see any.) If your current bra is too snug, you might also want to pick up a nursing bra. Choose a nursing bra at least one cup size bigger than you need now. When your milk comes in you'll be grateful for that extra room!

If you're having a boy, you and your partner will want to take some time to think about whether or not to have your baby circumcised. Find out the pros and cons from your doctor, and what the procedure involves.

The fun stuff: CLOTHES!!!

2010-04-08T07:22:00.001-07:00

Here's the difference between having a baby boy and a baby girl (in my opinion): there's so much more fun shopping for baby girls!!!!

I admit I've been drawn.... very very drawn to little clothes and little shoes!! But.... I haven't bought much. =) Thank God I haven't, cause a month ago, some nice church members blessed our girl with a bag of baby clothes - mint condition and pretty ones too!

I have a small box of clothes I've bought... the real special ones. And here's a peak at my favorites. =)

Last Sunday, my mother in law showed me the fruits of her labor part one! 100% hand sewn and knitted. Isn't she amazing?? Check out the detailing! Her workmanship is out of this world!! Pictures don't really do justice though.

Making waves on my Tummy

2010-04-07T19:39:00.000-07:00

Lately our girl's movements have transformed from hard kicks to long strokes. Kinda like those you make when you stretch your limbs, or shift position. With her current size and space constraint, her movements are really visible - they look like waves on my tummy!! hehehehe.

Even now as I'm typing, she's wide awake, busy shifting position and finding a comfy spot for her next nap. =D

This is my new stress relieve during work. I get to watch her move about, and try to imagine which part of her's doing the moving. =D I get this morning shift all to myself. Whereas the night shift belongs to daddy when she entertains him with more waves and heartbeats!

I love this part of pregnancy... Sometimes I wish I'll stay pregnant longer =/

Becoming a father

2010-04-05T00:59:00.001-07:00

A father? Aren't they the guys you see on the expressway during school holidays, perched behind the wheel of a Tarago [MPV] filled to bursting with mattresses, bikes, and assorted domestic detritus and through the fingerprint-encrusted window you can see the slightly crazed look on their face... the kind of look that only comes as one enters the eighth hour of listening to repetitive jangly songs about rabbits and choo choo trains?
Taken from "So you're going to be a dad" by Peter Downey.

If you follow my blog, you would notice that I hardly talk about my child that is due delivery in June. Even on the baby blog, I only posted a single entry. This is partly due to the fact that I am quite a private person, keeping most of my inner thoughts and emotions sealed away, privy to only the closest people in my life. Secondly, I wasn't clear about the many emotions I was feeling and was hesitant to share them. I was also feeling some guilt because I was not rejoicing over the fact that I was going to be a dad. But changes to the way of life and problems adapting to it drove me to find ways to adjust. One of them being reading about becoming a dad.

Reading about other dads and their reactions towards the change of their lifetime, I was comforted by the fact that my not-so-enthusiastic response was common among many of them. Here's a line I found represented me very well, almost word for word.

A father? Me? My father is a father! His father was a father. I'm only a son. Worse, I'm just a boy, a child. I've only just left home. I can't even iron my shirts properly. Panic! Changing nappies? Me? - Downey, 2005.

Believe me, it is quite a paradigm shift changing from someone who takes to someone who gives. Being a son denotes having shelter, provisions, and essentially having someone to lean on in times of need. It means having the comfort and total confidence that this someone will take care of you and not let you down. Being a parent means becoming that someone, having your life revolve around your child, providing for and teaching this midget that (should) looks astonishing like you. It means bearing the well being of someone other than you, firmly on your shoulders; that without you, they will surely not survive.

This is a huge responsibility, especially if you were provided for very well by your parents and it was one that scared the heck out of me. I thought I was being selfish and not such a good husband/father-to-be for thinking all these things. But it seems, I am not alone. I too had to learn how to iron my clothes ever since Sher-Mayne got pregnant and was more tired.

So, I will be a dad in less than 2 months time. That is when I will get to hold my child in my arms for the very first time and my life will never be the same again. Believe it or not, it will be the first time I will be holding a baby in my arms. I really do not know what to expect.

One Year Later

2010-04-01T19:48:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, exactly one year ago, I vividly remember waiting anxiously at the gynae's office for more than an hour, and then hearing the news that we were indeed pregnant, although it was still too early and no gestational sac was seen yet. I also remember announcing it at my grandma's. I still think of that baby, we refer to him/her as our first child. Never knew if it was a he/she. I still miss that baby. We named him/her Bubby.

It seems that in the short span of 365 days, we've been through a few years' worth of stuff. And one year later, here we are with baby no. 2 at 30 weeks and 6 days. She's a healthy and strong one who is mostly awake at 10.30am and 10.30pm. Who jiggles a lot when there's smooth jazz or daddy's gentle guitaring in the background.

Looking back at the past 365 days, it's been a heck of a journey. Scares, tears, fears, joys, you name it, we've probably had a sample of most emotions known to man. And after all these days... I find that the only thing I can think of is how Faithful our God has been. He is simply amazing!

Today as I look upon the cross on Good Friday, there's a new understanding on the vastness of His faithfulness... The Crown, the Cross, the Blood, the Salvation, everything is just amazing. To think that the Lord of the Heavens would care for me is just so... Wow.

Lord You are Amazing, exceeding, abundant, above and beyond everything!

p.s Here's a peak of the proud daddy and the bump @ week 30 and 4 days =)

Baby Spurts - Week 30

2010-03-31T18:59:00.001-07:00

See the big picture

How your baby's growing:

Your baby's about 15.7 inches long now, and she weighs almost 3 pounds (like a head of cabbage). A pint and a half of amniotic fluid surrounds her, but that volume will decrease as she gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. Her eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very keen; even after she's born, she'll keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. When she does open them, she'll respond to changes in light but will have 20/400 vision — which means she can only make out objects a few inches from her face. (Normal adult vision is 20/20.)

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

You may be feeling a little tired these days, especially if you're having trouble sleeping. You might also feel clumsier than normal, which is perfectly understandable. Not only are you heavier, but the concentration of weight in your pregnant belly causes a shift in your center of gravity. Plus, thanks to hormonal changes, your ligaments are more lax, so your joints are looser, which may also contribute to your balance being a bit off. Also, this relaxation of your ligaments can actually cause your feet to spread permanently, so you may have to invest in some new shoes in a bigger size.

Remember those mood swings you had earlier in pregnancy? The combination of uncomfortable symptoms and hormonal changes can result in a return of those emotional ups and downs. It's normal to worry about what your labor will be like or whether you'll be a good parent. But if you can't shake the blues or feel increasingly irritable or agitated, talk to your doctor or midwife. You may be among the 1 in 10 expectant women who battle depression during pregnancy. Also let your caregiver know if you're frequently nervous or anxious.

Whale-ly Updates 15

2010-03-31T06:52:00.000-07:00

Went for our 30 week check up yesterday. Everything's good!

Mom and baby are at ideal weight. And I should just continue on my eating spree (wheee!)
There's ample amniotic fluid.
Baby's still bridged (but we're calm and confident that she'll turn in due time)
I am currently 59.4kg... I was 50 pre-pregnancy
Antenatal classes are starting next Saturday (we're really excited!)
I've been getting very little sleep the past week due to pregnancy discomforts but it's good training for the confinement month
Baby currently weight 1558g!
We have 9 weeks + to go... Wow

Momma bump - 29 weeks

2010-03-31T06:42:00.000-07:00

Here's the bump at 29 weeks =D

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Magical moments

2010-03-28T22:51:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've felt like myself and had uninterrupted sleep. It's been a while since I've been able to move about without having to be very very careful. It's been a while since I've been able to fit into my nice clothes. It's been a while since I've been able to sleep on my favorite position.

But what makes it worth while is the fact that I'll be seeing our little one in a matter of weeks... and also, the magical magical moments which we both love so much.

Last night we had a magical moment. Baby was having the hiccups... we knew cause it was a very rhythmic thud. Justin couldn't really feel them through my bump so he proceeded to trying to listen for thuds. He heard them alright! And then when the hiccups stopped, he heard something magical.... HEARTBEATS!! He exclaimed and I saw in his eyes... the look of a proud proud daddy! It was so amazing, how I wish I had a stethoscope! Justin listened intently to each beat until she decided to shift position and then the beats were drowned out by the myriad of other noises - digestion and my own heartbeat.

It's really amazing, cause he's been trying to listen for a heartbeat for a while now, and finally without warning, he was surprised with a magical moment!

So I shall note this on 28th March 2010 @ 11.04pm, daddy heard baby's heartbeat through the bump!! =) Approx 180 bpm. =)

Of Fears and Guilt...

2010-03-24T21:57:00.000-07:00

Since young, I've always wanted to be stay at home mom. In fact I thought that I was going to be a stay at home mom!

When we got pregnant, we knew being a stay at home mom and having comfortable family finances will not be possible. Either one had to go. We sat down, calculated expenditure and realised having a baby would cost... well... alot. And so it became clear that I could not leave my job.

Ever since then I've chucked that aside, focusing on taking the pregnancy one step at a time... kinda like denial. Now with B-day lurking round the corner... I've been noticing that guilt has been creeping up. Questions like... will I be a good enough mom? Will I be missing out on her vital milestones? Will I be giving my baby the best she deserves - the best of me?

Here's what we've planned.... Baby will come to work me with in her 2nd month...Yeap... 2nd month. That's cause I am only allotted 1 month maternity leave. So baby will be with me in a playpen in class or with my dad in his office... And I'll attempt to juggle both work and a baby... My schedule's pretty packed yet fluid at the same time, but of course, I've never done this before and there's no way of guessing if this will work till we actually get there...

I guess we'll do this step by step. Trusting that God can make a way in the harshest of environments, what more this one?
=)

To God be the glory! Amen!

Jazzy baby?

2010-03-23T19:31:00.000-07:00

Last night we were seriously spoiled! Uncle Chris (our dearest dearest and most favorite uncle), doted on us (Justin, I and my cousins) with a wonderful Italian dinner at Sheraton Imperial. This is a place that epitomizes a relaxed, high-class, elegant, romantic dinner!

So, apart from the really good food, superb ambiance, and 5 star service, the main highlight was the live 3-piece jazz band! We didn't manage to get their name though =(. But these people were superb! The best we've heard so far.

I noticed something interesting. Our girl is usually up for about 30 minutes to 1 hour at most, then she sleeps for about 2 hours, then the cycle repeats. But last night, she was awake for a good 2 hours + +. Nicely squirming and kicking about! We were jokingly saying, oooo maybe this baby's like her daddy - a lover of smooth jazz! As soon as the music stopped, so did her movements! Hmmm a coincidence? Probably!

Justin was inspired by the music and decided to play a little jazz when we got home, lo and behold, the movements started again! So this has left us wondering... do we really have a jazzy baby? =D Such good taste our girl has!

Whale-ly Updates 14

2010-03-22T06:32:00.001-07:00

Here's some updates at the start of the 3rd trimester. =)

When Justin measured my bump today (29 weeks + 2 days) he said "are you ready for the news?" My eyes went --> O.O He said... 99cm. Wow... Last week it was 97.5cm. Wow.
My back has been aching =( Can't seem to find a suitable position as my bump gets so much bigger and heavier by the day (I feel)
My baby girl is still kicking inwards and today, she did lots of dances and squirms... especially when daddy came home. She loves the sound of daddy's voice (much to Justin's delight of course). It's so nice seeing daddy and girl bond like that =D

Other than these... nothing much has changed.. Oooo ya... my shoes are getting tighter... water retention perhaps?

=)

But I'm really thankful for being given this gift. I love my family.. Hehehe.. As Justin pointed out, we're going to be a family soon. =) Thank You Lord!

Baby Spurts - Week 29

2010-03-22T06:30:00.000-07:00

See the big picture

Week 29, we're here!

How your baby's growing:

Your baby now weighs about 2 1/2 pounds (like a butternut squash) and is a tad over 15 inches long from head to heel. His muscles and lungs are continuing to mature, and his head is growing bigger to make room for his developing brain. To meet his increasing nutritional demands, you'll need plenty of protein, vitamins C, folic acid, and iron. And because his bones are soaking up lots of calcium, be sure to drink your milk (or find another good source of calcium, such as cheese, yogurt, or enriched orange juice). This trimester, about 250 milligrams of calcium are deposited in your baby's hardening skeleton each day.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

Your baby's very active now. Your practitioner may ask you to spend some time each day counting kicks and will give you specific instructions on how to do this. Let her know if you ever notice a decrease in activity. You may need a nonstress test or biophysical profile to check on your baby's condition.

Some old friends — heartburn and constipation — may take center stage now. The pregnancy hormone progesterone relaxes smooth muscle tissue throughout your body, including your gastrointestinal tract. This relaxation, coupled with the crowding in your abdomen, slows digestion, which in turn can cause gas and heartburn — especially after a big meal — and contribute to constipation as well.

Your growing uterus may also be contributing to hemorrhoids. These swollen blood vessels in your rectal area are common during pregnancy and usually clear up in the weeks after giving birth. If they're itchy or painful, try soaking in a sitz bath or applying cold compresses medicated with witch hazel to the affected area. Also avoid sitting or standing for long stretches. Talk with your practitioner before using any over-the counter remedies during pregnancy, and let her know if you have any rectal bleeding. To prevent constipation, eat a high-fiber diet, drink plenty of water, and get some regular exercise.

Some women get something called "supine hypotensive syndrome" during pregnancy, where laying flat on your back causes a change in heart rate and blood pressure that makes you feel dizzy until you change position. You might note that you feel lightheaded if you stand up too quickly, too. To avoid "the spins" lie on your side rather than your back, and move slowly as you go from lying down to sitting and then standing.

Momma bump - 28 weeks

2010-03-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

Week 28 has come and gone, this bump is still growing!

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Motherhood expo + holes in our pockets

2010-03-22T05:04:00.000-07:00

So the long awaited motherhood expo has come and gone. I was exceedingly excited about this sale, because Combi was part of it!!! Since stepping into the Midvalley Combi shop last October, I've been sold on the idea of a Combi stroller and carseat. Finding out that they were one of the top brands in terms of safety and looks kept me visiting their shop everytime I was in Midvalley... just to touch the strollers and to see if new stock has arrived. Came to a point when Justin felt a tad embarrassed cause we were going in and out and never buying anything. So needless to say, after being such a frequent window shopper, that I had memorized their models and prices! So I was really excited to think that they would be giving quite good discounts at the expo.

Our friends in the journey Andrew and Rebecca had scouted the expo and brought back great reports, especially on Combi discounts. So off we went!

We went, we saw, and within 10 minutes, it conquered our wallets. Behold our loot!

Isn't she a beauty?? I liked the black one... beautiful!! But Justin liked this... so we compromised =)

Combi Granpaseo - Natural beige
I'm just sooo excited about this!! This was my second choice, first choice was the Miracle turn model which has 4 wheel drive!! But sadly, it was RM400 more, so we decided to stick to this instead =)

Combi Coccoro - Hazelnut

This weighs an amazing 4.4kg! And has achieve one of the greatest awards in terms of safety testing in Asia and America. =) It's compact so it can fit in my tiny car and what's best is it's suitable from 0 months - 4 years! =) We wanted this carseat in lime green, but stock would only arrive about June, and we needed this to ferry the baby back from the hospital. So we stuck to second best (which was my initial choice!!) - hazelnut color! =D =D

This trip did burn a hole in our pockets.. guess it's fresh air and sunshine for the next few months for us. But all in, we got a discount of RM898 for these two products, a free rain cover worth 100+, and some other smaller freebies. We are satisfied parents! God is so good!!

Finally, the load is almost off our chest. All the biggest purchases have been made... with the exception of a playpen. T_T

There's another expo coming up in May and a huge huge one in August =)

Full Term?

2010-03-15T01:29:00.000-07:00

While reading regular updates from Baby Center... I was surprised.... rather shocked at this bit of information... A baby is considered full term at 37 weeks.. and many mothers deliver their babies around then...

So....

I am currently 28 weeks...

My EDD is calculated based on a 40 week length... which is 5th June.

If Baby Bean Sprout... by the way, is now entering the Bean Stalk mark, so decides to come out earlier.... say... at a bout 38 weeks?

That will leave me.... 10 weeks from delivery???? That's only slightly more than 2 months!!! And that will mean I'll miss the June mark =/

But 10 weeks??? We're so not ready yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Panic panic panic panic!

Okkk breathe!!!

On a side note.... we've decided to just go ahead and set up the Baby Registry. As you may notice, the link's located on the top right tool bar. But we've not officially opened the registry yet. Do take a look =)

As mentioned, we're just giving it a try. If we get some givers, Praise God! If not, then it's totally fine as well =)

Whale-ly Updates 14

2010-03-14T20:54:00.000-07:00

Hello!

Some updates

My waist now measures 97.5cm!
I have this blue black/purplish ring around my belly button... and my belly button's still an innie =D
Been feeling heavy this past week... especially when baby shift position and lands on my tummy... with the heavy boobs pressing down, and baby pushing up, it gets really uncomfortable.. and I honestly don't feel like eating.
Baby's movements are not as strong as 2 weeks ago. Starting from last Thursday, I've been feeling much less movements, and the movements are somewhat internal... err... as in, I don't feel her limbs kicking outwards. Feels like she's kicking inwards... get it? Possibly because of her position. Read on the internet that sometimes babies shift positions so that they are facing mom's spine, therefore movements will not be felt as much. So maybe that's why? I'm trying hard not to worry. =) But I've still been counting kicks as the doctor recommended. And she's still been giving me more than 10 movements per day =) It's cute to see my belly change shape sometimes... I still can't figure out which part of her is causing my belly to protrude. Sometimes the right side is more pronounced, then she decides to shift and then the left bulges up! Heheheh. Cute!
I've been having trouble sleeping.. seriously. Past 3 nights have been horrendous. I find myself wide awake at night because I simply can't find a comfortable position to be in!!! I've tried bolsters, pillows, blankets and all to help, but nothing seems to work for long. Once I get comfy, my bladder calls. =( And I've only just started my 3rd trimester.... babycenter says that from now till 37 weeks, baby's weight will triple!!!!! *faints*
the round ligament pains are back... after taking a hiatus for the whole 2nd trimester, it has come back... welcome back my old friend..=.= I have to beware of how I turn in bed and get out of bed. One wrong (too fast, too hard) turn and that's it, I'd pull a muscle. So I have to repeat to myself.. gentle sher, gentle, then hold on to my bump and move sllooooowllyy...
I officially only have 2 pairs of pants I can wear now. I can no longer fit into anything but skirts and dresses!!!! =( The horror....... I've not bought any maternity clothes yet... maybe now's the time to consider at least one pair of pants? But they are grossly overpriced!!!! Grrrr...
Ooohh I can still see my feet. Muahahahaha!! =D But am having trouble bending down to scrub my toes in the shower now. Very soon, Justin will have to do that for me... Ooh thank God I don't have shoes with shoe laces =D hehehehehe.

Well, I guess that's all the up

Baby Spurts - Week 28

2010-03-13T05:09:00.001-08:00

See the big picture

Week 28 (Hello 3rd Trimester)

How your baby's growing:

By this week, your baby weighs two and a quarter pounds (like a Chinese cabbage) and measures 14.8 inches from the top of her head to her heels. She can blink her eyes, which now sport lashes. With her eyesight developing, she may be able to see the light that filters in through your womb. She's also developing billions of neurons in her brain and adding more body fat in preparation for life in the outside world.

See what your baby looks like this week. (Or see what fraternal twins look like in the womb this week.)

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

You're in the home stretch! The third and final trimester starts this week. If you're like most women, you'll gain about 11 pounds this trimester.

At this point, you'll likely visit your doctor or midwife every two weeks. Then, at 36 weeks, you'll switch to weekly visits. Depending on your risk factors, your practitioner may recommend repeating blood tests for HIV and syphilis now, as well as doing cultures for chlamydia and gonorrhea, to be certain of your status before delivery. Also, if your glucose screening test result was high and you haven't yet had follow-up testing, you'll soon be given the 3-hour glucose tolerance test. And if the blood work done at your first prenatal visit showed that you're Rh negative, you'll get an injection of Rh immunoglobulin to prevent your body from developing antibodies that could attack your baby's blood. (If your baby is Rh positive, you'll receive another shot of Rh immunoglobulin after you give birth.)

Around this time, some women feel an unpleasant "creepy-crawly" sensation in their lower legs and an irresistible urge to move them while trying to relax or sleep. If this sensation is at least temporarily relieved when you move, you may have what's known as restless legs syndrome (RLS). No one knows for sure what causes RLS, but it's relatively common among expectant mothers. Try stretching or massaging your legs, and cut down on caffeine, which can make the symptoms worse. Ask your caregiver if you should try iron supplements, which can sometimes relieve RLS.

Momma bump - 27 weeks

2010-03-13T05:04:00.001-08:00

Here's Momma bump at week 27!

Huge! The bump now measured 96.5cm =)

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Baby Spurts - Week 27

2010-03-13T05:03:00.001-08:00

See the big picture

Week 27

How your baby's growing:

This week, your baby weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

The second trimester is drawing to a close, but as your body gears up for the final lap, you may start noticing some new symptoms. Along with an aching back, for example, you may find that your leg muscles cramp up now and then. They're carrying extra weight, after all, and your expanding uterus is putting pressure on the veins that return blood from your legs to your heart as well as on the nerves leading from your trunk to your legs. Unfortunately, the cramps may get worse as your pregnancy progresses. Leg cramps are more common at night but can also happen during the day. When a cramp strikes, stretching the calf muscle should give you some relief. Straighten your leg and then gently flex your toes back toward your shin. Walking for a few minutes or massaging your calf sometimes helps, too.

It may be the furthest thing from your mind right now, but it's not too soon to think about family planning. You'll want to have made some decisions about postpartum birth control before your baby arrives. If you're considering a tubal ligation, be aware that most states require you to sign a consent form at least 30 days beforehand. So if you'd like the option of having the surgery during your postpartum hospital stay, don't wait too much longer to discuss it with your caregiver. (You can still change your mind later.)

Beyond orange juice "Need more vitamin C? Try red bell peppers! They have nearly twice the vitamin C of a navel orange, and a half cup is one of the five servings of fruits and vegetables you need each day." — Kayla B.

Surprising Facts: Symptoms you should never ignore

So many aches, pains, and strange feelings arise during pregnancy that it can be hard to decide what's normal and what warrants a call to your doctor or midwife. To complicate matters further, some symptoms may be more or less urgent depending on your particular situation or health history and on how far along you are in your pregnancy. Here's a rundown of symptoms that could be a sign of a problem. If you have any of these complaints, call your doctor or midwife immediately:

Before you reach 37 weeks:

• Pelvic pressure (a feeling that your baby is pushing down), lower back pain (especially if it's a new problem for you), menstrual-like cramping or abdominal pain, or more than four contractions in an hour (even if they don't hurt)

• An increase in vaginal discharge or a change in the type of discharge — if it becomes watery, mucus-like, or bloody (even if it's only pink or blood-tinged)

At any time:

• Your baby is moving or kicking less than usual

• Severe or persistent abdominal pain or tenderness

• Vaginal bleeding or spotting, or watery discharge

• Pain or burning when you urinate, or little or no urination

• Severe or persistent vomiting, or any vomiting accompanied by pain or fever

• Chills or a fever of 100 degrees Fahrenheit or higher

• Blurred or double vision, or seeing spots or "floaters"

• A severe or persistent headache, or any headache accompanied by blurred vision, slurred speech, or numbness

• Any swelling in your face or puffiness around your eyes, anything more than mild swelling in your fingers or hands, or severe or sudden swelling in your legs, feet, or ankles, or a rapid weight gain (more than 4 pounds in a week)

• Severe or persistent leg or calf pain that doesn't ease up when you flex your ankle and point your toes toward your nose, or one leg significantly more swollen than the other

• Trauma to your abdomen

• Fainting, frequent dizziness, rapid heartbeat, or palpitations

• Difficulty breathing, coughing up blood, or chest pain

• Severe constipation accompanied by abdominal pain or severe diarrhea that lasts more than 24 hours

• Persistent intense itching all over

• Any health problem that you'd ordinarily call your practitioner about, even if it's not pregnancy-related (like worsening asthma or a cold that gets worse rather than better)

Momma bump - 26 weeks

2010-03-13T04:58:00.000-08:00

Here's week 26 (looks a little smaller than it really is because of the shirt)

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One of those days...2

2010-03-11T18:13:00.000-08:00

I'm wondering how many times has God and Justin heard this complaint since I got pregnant... I really am a worry wart...

After blogging about our girl's waking and moving patterns, yesterday things changed again... She was still yesterday... I counted probably 10 movements for the whole day... and even then, they were weak ones... only 3 hard belly-jiggling kicks... Other than that.. she was still... Imagine the worries...

I found myself up almost all night praying and holding on to my bump, trying to feel the slightest movements from my little girl... none.

Her daddy is not as worried as I am... because we've been through this before... where there'll be days she's as still as a rock. But the thought of losing another child is too overwhelming for me... and I find myself torn between entertaining my worries and fighting the battle of faith and believing.

We've come so far... Tomorrow marks the 28th week since we've had her. We've been through many hurdles - psychological and emotional ones. But it feels horrible that even after we've weathered through so many storms, my faith still remains so so small.

I now find myself telling God... Lord, I need to feel my girl kick hard today... please.

Wow.. I just felt her squirm =D Ok Ok!! that's movement number 1 and 2 today!! Hallelujah!

Updates updates!

2010-03-10T01:40:00.000-08:00

It's been a week now since Baby Bean Sprout has been exhibiting a 'pattern'.

She now wakes up for 20-30 mins, then goes back to sleep for about 2 hours, and then wakes for about 20-30 mins.
She's mostly active in the late mornings and late nights. =) Late night's usually when Justin and I are on the bed talking bout our day, or watching TV together.

Since we've been noticing this pattern of kicking, punching, and squirming during the late nights, we've been really bonding as a family. This mommy will watch attentively as daddy talks to his girl. Sometimes he'll read from his guitar magazine, sometimes he'll tell her about his day, sometimes he'll just speak whatever's on his mind. And the wonderful thing about it is, she responds with huge kicks!! It's almost like there's a conversation between daddy and girl already! I know Justin really loves this too.

Just last night, he had a 15 minute long conversation with her as she packed some real huge kicks and punches right to mommy's sides. Ouchies for me, but glee for daddy. He watched attentively as she created waves under my skin. This daddy was proud. Proud that he could get such reactions and responses outta her!

It is really a joy. Whenever I catch her squirming about, I'd take the time to talk to her. Conversations always start with Hello girl, and she would kick back =) This part of pregnancy is just marvelous.

This is the last week of my 2nd trimester, this Saturday, I'd welcome the 3rd trimester. I've heard from many that the 3rd will be the hardest. I shall just go into it expecting the best, not the worst - to counteract the whole self-fulfilling prophecy scenario. =)

Oh.. I have another testimony post scheduled for after Sunday. =) Stay tuned yes.

Gynae visit - 4

2010-03-02T19:19:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've posted reports on our gynae visits. Kinda forgotten I had this category to blog about =D.

In a nutshell from the ultrasound scan:
1. EFW = 989g (a little higher than normal). So I was advised to cut down on my Anmum milk intake which is fine by me seeing I was stunned with what I found in the pack (will elaborate later).
2. BPD = 68.1mm
3. AC = 213.4mm
4. FL = 52.4mm
5. Amniotic fluid quantity is normal

According to my calculations, baby is supposed to be 26 weeks 3 days. Scans came out to be 27 weeks 1 day, which brought forward my due date to 1st June.

Things to note for this week onwards:
1. Gynae said, start the movement count! 10 movements per day. If anything changes drastically, remember point 2.
2. Should anything happen, go straight to the labor and emergency ward which is open 24/7 =)

Now... my Anmum Materna milk story. I bought a BRAND new box of milk last week, then proceeded to open it. Upon stiring the milk in my cup, I saw black things floating at the surface... Upon closer inspection, I found that that those black things were BUGS!!! BUGS IN MY MILK! I've since stopped drinking and have written a complain letter to Anmum which has not received a reply. So yeap....I googled this up and apparently, similar cases have been found in baby milk powder and those bugs are harmful!! Please beware.. I wonder if this was an isolated incident (ie one single batch) or there are more of it! One thing's for sure, I was delighted when gynae said to cut down on Anmum!! To all Anmum drinkers, please inspect your milk powder before drinking!

Baby Spurts - Week 26

2010-02-28T20:07:00.000-08:00

See the big picture

Hellooo Week 26!

How your baby's growing:

The network of nerves in your baby's ears is better developed and more sensitive than before. He may now be able to hear both your voice and your partner's as you chat with each other. He's inhaling and exhaling small amounts of amniotic fluid, which is essential for the development of his lungs. These so-called breathing movements are also good practice for when he's born and takes that first gulp of air. And he's continuing to put on baby fat. He now weighs about a pound and two-thirds and measures 14 inches (an English hothouse cucumber) from head to heel. If you're having a boy, his testicles are beginning to descend into his scrotum — a trip that will take about two to three days.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

Are you rushing around trying to get to childbirth classes and prepare your baby's room while still taking care of all your other daily tasks? Make sure that you also continue to eat well and get plenty of rest. Around this time, your blood pressure may be increasing slightly, although it's probably still lower than it was before you got pregnant. (Typically, blood pressure falls toward the end of the first trimester, and it tends to reach a low at about 22 to 24 weeks.)

Preeclampsia — a serious disorder characterized by high blood pressure and protein in your urine — most often shows up after 37 weeks, but it can happen earlier so it's important to be aware of the warning signs of this condition. Call your caregiver if you have swelling in your face or puffiness around your eyes, more than slight swelling of your hands, excessive or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, or rapid weight gain (more than 4 pounds in a week). With more severe preeclampsia, you may experience other symptoms. Let your caregiver know immediately if you have a severe or persistent headache, vision changes (including double or blurred vision, seeing spots or flashing lights, sensitivity to light, or temporary loss of vision), intense pain or tenderness in your upper abdomen, or vomiting.

If your lower back seems a little achy lately, you can thank both your growing uterus — which shifts your center of gravity, stretches out and weakens your abdominal muscles, and may be pressing on a nerve — as well as hormonal changes that loosen your joints and ligaments. Plus, the extra weight you're carrying means more work for your muscles and increased stress on your joints, which is why you may feel worse at the end of the day. Walking, standing, or sitting for long periods, as well as bending and lifting can all put a strain on your back. A warm bath or hot compress might bring relief. (Some women, though, find cool compresses more comforting.) Try to maintain good posture during the day, avoid activities that require bending and twisting at the same time, take frequent breaks when sitting or standing, and sleep on your side with one or both knees bent with a pillow between your legs, using another pillow (or wedge) to support your abdomen.

Momma bump - 25 weeks

2010-02-27T05:47:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest one of Week 25!

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Whale-ly Updates 13

2010-02-25T23:01:00.000-08:00

Hello!

New updates:

1. Bump now measures 94cm =)
2. I've developed a VERY sharp pain in my upper left buttocks. It feels like some sort of nerve pain... like someone stabbed me with something real sharp. It's a come and go pain. Just the stab, then it goes away. And it gets really bad when walking or standing. Just last night we were out shopping and there were times the pain threw me off course and I almost couldn't remain standing. I've tried doing some internet research but it turns out the main ones like Pelvic Girdle Pain and Sciatica pain just don't seem to fit the bill. But I am somehow confident that it'll be healed very soon. Keep me in prayers =) I've been trying to sit the pain out, trying not to add any pressure on my left butt.
3. Still been waking up 2-3 times a night to pee. But I'm getting used to the routine so much so I am much less lethargic as compared to when these spells first started.

I guess that's just about it. Baby Bean Sprout will turn 26 weeks tomorrow! Wow... that means I have 2 more weeks of this trimester left till I meet and greet the THIRD TRIMESTER! Woooooo. I've read and heard alot about it... but oh well.. I'll only know when I'm there =) Till then, tata!

Fetal Movements

2010-02-24T03:38:00.000-08:00

Fetal movements - as a mother on a forum said, there's nothing more reassuring that a good strong poke! I sincerely agree. On days I go around like a crazed maniac paying attention to my bump for the slightest flutter. On other days, I sit delightfully as Bean Sprout punches and kicks inside me. But as to the frequency of the kicks, I've been noticing that this babe is really interesting. While internet sites say that by week 25-28, the baby's "timetable" should be well established. By that, it means that certain babies are morning ones, certain ones are night ones, certain ones move about alot after meals, etc. So like an inexperienced, super kan-chiong mother, I wait and observed attentively for the slightest pattern in movements to find my baby's timetable. But I guess it hasn't been working. =/ See... this babe is very unique (like every other babe), it's sort of like a week by week basis pattern. I've noticed for the past month or so, there will be a week where there's LOTS of disco dancing, prodding, and punching. Then the next week, a decrease in movement. I can try laying on my side, drinking sweet drinks, but nope, minimal movements! And that's been driving me crazyyyy!!

Book that I've been reading discredit counting fetal movements. Thank God they do! If not, I would be again, rushing to the gynae everytime I've not felt baby movements for 12 hours. =/ Today was one of those days where baby movements are low. There are a few reasons why (internet research): 1. mom's been active, hence rocking baby to sleep 2. baby's low on energy 3. baby just doesn't feel like moving (yeap, they have moods too!) 3. fetal position 4. anterior placenta.

Justin had to calm me down again today. And as far as he's concerned, as long as baby does wiggle a little throughout the day, she's perfectly fine! So oh well... worrying is really not good for me and baby. So, I've finally settled down, and lo and behold, she gave me a few good strong kicks. =D I guess I'm a happy mommy again!! hehehehe

To Registry or Not to Registry?

2010-02-22T21:19:00.000-08:00

Lenny recently suggested that I create some sort of a baby registry... The idea is still new to me and frankly speaking, I don't know whether it'll work.

If you're blur as to what a Baby Registry is, I shall explain. In the West, people practice gift-giving during the Baby shower. And registries were created to help make the job of gift-givers easier. Cause often times we get stuck trying to think of what to buy. So a baby registry is basically a wish-list where the mother-to-be writes down a list of gifts/items that she needs/wants/would like. And people pick from that list and buy them. Hence, cutting short the job of thinking of what to buy etc. And nowadays with the increase of online shops, gift-givers need not rush to the stores anymore. Just simply click on the link to the online shop in the baby registry, select gift, and it will be delivered to the mom-to-be's doorstep.

So yes, it does sound like a very nice idea as Lenny put. But still there's this... malu factor. When I told Justin about the idea, he said... eeee.. isn't that like begging? @@

So how how how?? To registry or not to??

My mom suggested that I could set up a registry and see who picks up what. If no one picks up anything that's perfectly fine, if people do pick up things, that's great! Hmm... Maybe I'll take mom's suggestion. Set it up and see how lo.

What's in the Name?

2010-02-21T21:13:00.000-08:00

With only 14 weeks left before this baby comes (may be less though). The biggest issues on my mind now are finances and the name!

Private hospitals here have a policy... if baby is born during non office hours (i.e. 6pm- 8am and on public holidays/weekends), delivery cost doubles. Sigh... My friend just told us she delivered her first child for a whooping 8,000.00 ++. We are honestly not prepared financially for this bill. On top of this there's still the stroller, car seat, and playpen left to purchase. All of which will amount to about 2,500.00. I can very honestly say, I've been panicking, worrying, and praying... Interesting thing is, I heard a whisper 2 days ago (before all these worries started pouring in) that He has not let me down yet, and will never let me down... Justin says this was God's reassuring voice. I honestly have never been so worried about finances before... Interesting how Justin is calm at this time when I'm all over the place worrying. I need to be like Mary... breatheee..

Which brings me to the next issue - BABY NAME!!!!
We have a shortlist. It is very short. But, somehow we can't seem to decide!! What we do have is a list of Chinese names =D

Boy: Yap Khye Ven / Yap Khye Jieh
Girl: Yap Kye Lee / Yap Kye Yen

The issue we have with English/Christian names is... We want something that fits our criterion:
1. Must have suitable and significant meaning(s)
2. Must not be common (or associated to someone we know, especially someone who's spoiled the name =/)
3. Must sound pleasing to the ear and look pleasing to the eye (this is important as some spellings are just... weird)
4. With the least possible mispronunciations and negative connotations in as many known languages in our community as possible

Ok.. after typing this list out, I've realized how fussy we are. But the thing with names is, we believe that the name is ESSENTIAL! We definitely won't go with anything that means dark defiance or has a mediocre meaning. Which is why we gave up "Taylor" which we both loved.. because "Taylor" means "cutter of cloth" =/

Soooo yes... what's in the name? We believe that the name holds alot =) while our child's future may not be shaped merely by the name, but during Bible times, the name meant the parent's vision of their child. And often times vision goes before alot of things! So when we name our child, we want that to be our vision of our child and how we're going to bring the child up. =) While we know that this may push us to "add pressure" onto the child, nevertheless we still believe that this child is born for a purpose and we are stewards. Which means that above raising the child to have a healthy self esteem, to feel good about him/herself, and to be happy, we have the responsibility to raise a responsible, God-fearing, mission oriented child that will understand that his/her life has been bought for a price and there is more to life that him/her.

Oohhh the name... we only have a merer 103 days or less to decide on one. Lord help!! Which reminds me... it's so cute knowing that God already knows what this baby will be called, we just don't know it yet =D

105 days and counting???

2010-02-19T20:00:00.000-08:00

Just happened to scroll down to the pregnancy countdown on the bottom of this blog and I read 105 days.... I paused and exclaimed to Justin. And then we both paused... and then panicked. 105 days??? Oh gosh... at the rate days are flying... it'll be in no time till I actually go through the whole labor process...

I have to admit I've been putting off thinking of labor thus far. But aswe hit 6 months last week, I realised the need to start educating myself on what I may be able to expect when "the time comes". It's been... scary actually. Some women have wonderful birth stories, others have horror-filled ones. But I've started praying hard... Last night I thought... sigh, no point worrying, either way this baby's gonna come out. =/

These really are exciting times, why would anyone put off having children? =S (honest question ya)

We had another revelation today.... you know how 2 are supposed to become 1 after marriage and sexual intercourse? But we've always felt that while yes, spiritually we are 1, we are still very distinct individuals. Then it clicked... we really truly become 1 through our children. Imagine this... husband and wife have different genetic make up, personality, preferences etc... but their child is a true mix of everything of the husband and wife. Amazing how God designed this! Our God is amazing!

Whale-ly Updates 12

2010-02-19T05:59:00.000-08:00

An amazing yet scary thing happened about 3 weeks ago, and it happened again last night!

My girl packs a real punch. About 3 weeks ago, while trying to fall asleep on my side, I felt Bean Sprout squirming, and my bump needed support as it was still too small to fully rest on the mattress. So I placed my hand between my bump and the mattress to support it a little. All of a sudden, I felt this PROD!! It was like someone poked a pencil at my hand!! This was the very first time I felt such a defined movement of my Bean Sprout!!

Last night it happened again, MANY times!! And this time, daddy Bean Sprout got to feel it too!! It was strong, and it did hurt a little. But it was wonderful la!! I felt a mixture of fear (too much alien and predator movies where aliens grow inside humans cause this I think =S), awe, and excitement! She has indeed grown, and is now packing lots of power in her punches and prods!!!

And just today while relaxing on the couch, Bean Sprout was up and jiggling for a good 2 hours! Some movements were so hard that my entire bump moved from side to side, or up and down. It was so amazing, and I watched with anticipation for the next movement. Even held my camera on record mode so daddy Bean Sprout could watch too, but as recording started, no movement, once recording stopped, I got a huge bumping around inside. =/

This is really interesting! But I'm starting to wonder how much harder can she kick. Last night's kicks really hurt. Oh well, no complaints at all, I'm so thankful my Bean Sprout's jiggling and active. As my gynae said, this is an active one =D

Lord You are so so so GOOD!!!

Oh oh, my bump now measures 93cm. Seems like it's been growing by 1 cm each week. =)

Momma bump - 24 weeks

2010-02-19T05:54:00.001-08:00

Here's week 24's Momma Bump!

We've hit the 6th month mark! =)

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Baby Spurts - Week 24

2010-02-19T05:52:00.000-08:00

See the big picture

Week 24!!

How your baby's growing:

Your baby's growing steadily, having gained about 4 ounces since last week. That puts him at just over a pound. Since he's almost a foot long (picture an ear of corn), he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally and he'll soon start to plump up. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but that will start to change soon.

See what your baby looks like this week. (Or see what fraternal twins look like in the womb this week.)

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

In the past few weeks, the top of your uterus has risen above your belly button and is now about the size of a soccer ball.

Most women have a glucose screening test (also called a glucose challenge test or GCT) between now and 28 weeks. This test checks for gestational diabetes, a pregnancy-related high-blood-sugar condition. Untreated diabetes increases your risk of having a difficult vaginal delivery or needing a cesarean section because it causes your baby to grow too large, especially in his upper body. It also raises your baby's odds for other complications like low blood sugar right after birth. A positive result on your GCT doesn't mean you have gestational diabetes, but it does mean that you'll need to take the glucose tolerance test (GTT) to find out for sure.

Finally, if you don't already know how to spot the signs of preterm labor, now's the time to learn. Contact your caregiver immediately if you notice any of the signs mentioned below.

Momma bump - 23 weeks

2010-02-19T05:47:00.000-08:00

Week 23!

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Whale-ly Updates 11

2010-02-11T06:52:00.000-08:00

I can sum up what I've been feeling in a sentence "Ohhhh the heat wave!!!!!!"

Been sweating profusely whenever I'm not in an air-conditioned room.
My bump now measures 92cm.
I feel big but still blissful.
Had bad backaches on two occasions.
Body has more or less adapted to waking up multiple times a night. I now feel less exhausted in the day =)
Still no cravings =/ I was hoping I would crave for something, then it'll make my choice of food much easier.
At my last check up (5 feb '10) I weight 55.2kg. That's roughly a 4.2 kg increase since pregnancy.
And I'm still feeling.... GREAT!! =) I love this trimester!!

Ultrasound video - week 22

2010-02-11T06:50:00.000-08:00

Here's the latest video of baby Bean Sprout.
=D

Baby Spurts - Week 23

2010-02-11T01:56:00.000-08:00

See the big picture

Week 23! I'm doing great!

How your baby's growing:

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

You may notice that your ankles and feet start to swell a bit in the coming weeks or months, especially at the end of the day or during the heat of summer. Sluggish circulation in your legs — coupled with changes in your blood chemistry that may cause some water retention — may result in swelling, also known as edema. Your body will get rid of the extra fluid after you have your baby, which is why you'll pee frequently and sweat a lot for a few days after delivery. In the meantime, lie on your left side or put your feet up when you can, stretch out your legs when you sit, and avoid sitting — or standing — in one place for long periods. Also, try to exercise regularly to increase circulation, and wear support stockings (put them on first thing in the morning) and roomy, comfortable shoes. You may be tempted to skimp on liquids to combat swelling, but you need to drink plenty of water because staying hydrated actually helps prevent fluid retention. While a certain amount of edema in your lower extremities is normal during pregnancy, excessive swelling may be a sign of a serious condition called preeclampsia. Be sure to call your midwife or doctor if you have severe or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, more than slight swelling of your hands, swelling in your face, or puffiness around your eyes.

Momma bump - 22 weeks

2010-02-11T01:44:00.000-08:00

Here's Momma Bump at week 22!

=) I feel my tummy growing bigger by the days. No joke. =)

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My Bean Sprout Jiggles!

2010-02-03T01:12:00.000-08:00

I started feeling bubble-bursting-like movements when I was in my 12th week. But because gynae told me I would probably only be able to feel movements in my 6th month, I dismissed them as gas.

Weeks after that, the movements began to stand out from normal gassy movements. Gas was usually accompanied by farting soon after. But the other movements were not. So okkkkk... maybe this was it!!!

It wasn't till my 16th week that I was quite certain these movements were baby movements!! We were EXCITED!! But movements weren't frequent. So it was like receiving a golden nugget everytime we felt the kicks/prods.

Week 19 onwards, I've been feeling movements everyday. And as the internet suggests, based on this movements, parents are able to monitor baby's waking and sleeping patterns. So here's what I've managed to gather about Bean Sprout thus far:

Week 19-20 Waking time 7pm - Lots of kicks after my dinner time
Week 21 Waking time around 11am and 8-ish pm. Baby starts to prod/kick me when I have a full bladder. We both found this amusing. We postulate that it's 1. baby finding a new toy (kinda like a punching bag) 2. baby doesn't like how the bladder pushes against him/her so he/she pushes/kicks back, and possibly has learned that pushing/kicking back causes mommy to run to the toilet, which then decreases the size of the annoying bladder.
Week 22 (this week) Waking time around 10.30 - 11.30, 12.30-1.30, 5.30-6pm, and 9pm - 11pm.

It's just so amazing being able to feel these kicks. And they've been increasing in intensity!! Last night, I got a big one, and it hurt a little. Kind of like if someone nudges you hard in the abdomen. Justin is now a very very proud daddy-to-be. He especially loves interacting with baby by prodding him/her back when he/she kicks. =)

But since 2 days ago, we've noticed a new phenomenon. It's as though baby knows who's boss or is trying to play hide and seek with daddy. Baby will be kicking non stop, but once Justin places his hand on the bump, baby will stop instantaneously, and only resume kicking once daddy's hand is lifted. But continues to kick even when my hand is on the bump. Hehehehe. Justin likes the idea that baby knows who's boss. Hehehehe.

Baby movements or jiggles is the best part of pregnancy so far!!!

Whale-ly Updates 10

2010-02-02T21:59:00.000-08:00

Hello!

I haven't written about my progress in the journey towards whale-likeness for a while. So here's a compact list of what's been happening, or rather changing!

My waist now measures 90cm.
My bump has lifted and it's "peak" is now at the level of my belly button.
My belly button is shrinking by the day (according to Justin who measures it diligently everyday). It started getting shallower by the weak, then it started shrinking in diameter somewhere about middle of last week. Nope, it hasn't "popped" out yet. Am not looking forward to the popping of belly button... I still find the belly button bulge disturbing. =/
I've put on weight (how much exactly I have no idea, but my watch doesn't fit anymore) and I can't fit into the new ring Justin bought me for my birthday this year!!! T_T
I think my feet are getting bigger as my shoes are feeling snugger...
My breasts have stopped increasing in size, but the nipple is seriously darker and significantly bigger now. =(
The linea nigra (or the dark line running through the middle of my belly) has started developing above the belly button. I find it amusing that it's perfectly in the middle, like it's attempting to part my belly. hehehehehe
I've been having a hard time sleeping at night. I keep waking up every other hour to pee, even though I tried not drinking any liquids prior to bedtime! Wonder where all that excess fluid is coming from.
I AM HOT! Literally!! I've been feeling HOT HOT HOT!! I'm a person who rarely sweats. But as of mid last week, I've been finding myself perspiring throughout the day whenever I am not in an air conditioned room! That includes rainy days and breezy days. Imagine the adaptation I have to go through from never feeling sweaty to constantly feeling sweaty! As a counter measure, the air cond has been blasting whenever I'm at home. Poor Justin has to fork out more money. =(
Leg cramps are now my companions... accompanied by the heavy belly... these two make it hard for me to stay asleep at night. Thank God the cramps have reduced greatly following my MIL's advice on how to stretch my legs properly. =)
I found that exercising really helps!! If you're like me, you can't stand exercise, DO NOT FRET!!! There are BASIC stretching, leg lifting, squatting exercises that you can do, which are not hard but work! I do basic exercise coupled with 2 swimming sessions a week, and I've found that everytime I exercise, I tend to have a better night's sleep, and my abdomen and tummy doesn't feel as stretchy. =D Of course in the long run, exercise has been proven to decrease labour time and pain in delivery! =D
My energy level is up, but has been hampered by the lack of sleep at night.
Appetite is also up! Woo hooo.. But I still tend to gravitate towards chinese food.
Oooohh my doc said that I am borderlining Aneamic. So I've been drinking red date juice everyday now. It tastes yummy! I think it helps... cause on days when I drink, my cheeks are slightly rosier.
I've also been disciplined in drinking my Anmum Materna every morning and night. I kinda like how it tastes now =D I don't know if it's a placebo, but my clumsy spells have decreased ever since drinking Anmum!! @@

So these are my updates! I am loving the 2nd trimester!! But I'm already half way through it... awwww...

Watch out for my next update on Baby Bean sprout's movements!! Sooo exciting!

Momma bump - 21 weeks

2010-01-31T19:13:00.001-08:00

Week 21!!! Behold the junior whale!!

Momma bump - 20 weeks

2010-01-27T05:19:00.001-08:00

Drumroll..... Here it comes... Week 20!

Baby Spurts - Week 21

2010-01-25T01:55:00.000-08:00

See the big picture

Helloooo Week 21!

How your baby's growing:

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

You're probably feeling pretty comfortable these days. You're not too big yet, and the usual discomforts associated with early pregnancy are, for the most part, gone. If you're feeling good, relax and enjoy it while you can — the third trimester may bring with it a new crop of complaints.

That's not to say you won't have some minor glitches to deal with now. For example, increased oil production may contribute to the development (or worsening) of acne. If that's the case, be diligent about washing well with a gentle soap or cleanser twice a day, and make sure that any moisturizer or make-up you use is oil-free. Don't take any oral acne medications — some are very hazardous during pregnancy — or use any topical acne products without first checking with your practitioner.

You're also more prone to varicose veins now. As your pregnancy progresses, there's increasing pressure on the veins in your legs; higher progesterone levels, which may cause the walls of your veins to relax, can make the problem worse. You're more likely to get varicose veins if other family members have them. Also, they tend to get worse with each successive pregnancy and as you age. To help prevent or minimize varicose veins, exercise daily, prop up your feet and legs whenever possible, sleep on your left side, and wear maternity support hose.

You may also notice so-called spider veins (a group of tiny blood vessels near the surface of your skin), particularly on your ankles, legs, or face. They may have a spider- or sunburst-like pattern with little branches radiating out from the center, they may look like the branches of a tree, or they may be a group of separate thin lines with no particular pattern. Though they may be a bit unsightly, spider veins don't cause discomfort and usually disappear after delivery.

Momma bump - 19 & 20 weeks

2010-01-18T19:30:00.001-08:00

Hellooooo

Oooh yes, momma bumps!! Haven't updated for a long long while!!

here it is.

IT IS HUGE!!! =D hehehehehe. I'm already feeling bloated =S

Baby Spurts - Week 20

2010-01-18T19:27:00.000-08:00

See the big picture

Week 20

How your baby's growing:

Week 19

How your baby's growing:

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

Think you're big now? You'll start growing even faster in the weeks to come. As a result, you may notice some achiness in your lower abdomen or even an occasional brief, stabbing pain on one or both sides — especially when you shift position or at the end of an active day. Most likely, this is round ligament pain. The ligaments that support your uterus are stretching to accommodate its increasing weight. This is nothing to be alarmed about, but call your practitioner if the pain continues even when you're resting or becomes severe.

You may be noticing some skin changes, too. Are the palms of your hands red? Nothing to worry about — it's from the extra estrogen. You may also have patches of darkened skin caused by a temporary increase in pigment. When these darker patches appear on your upper lip, cheeks, and forehead, they're called chloasma, or the "mask of pregnancy." You may also notice some darkening of your nipples, freckles, scars, underarms, inner thighs, and vulva. That darkened line running from your belly button to your pubic bone is called the linea nigra, or "dark line."

These darkened spots will probably fade shortly after delivery. In the meantime, protect yourself from the sun, which intensifies the pigment changes. Cover up, wear a brimmed hat, and use sunscreen when you're outdoors. And if you're self-conscious about your "mask," a little concealing makeup can work wonders.

Oh No.... I've slacked!

2010-01-14T04:23:00.001-08:00

Arg... I promised myself I will not slack with this blog... =(

The last momma bump picture I have was from week 12... and I'm already at week 19.. I MISSED 7 WEEKS!!! nooooooooooo.. =( =( My bumps really big now. I'm quickly moving up from junior whale to young whale... soon full grown whale. *gasps*

Big Big big big big updates, I've been feeling MOVEMENTS, or quickenings!!!!!!!!!!! Since the last week of 2009!! I've been feeling flutters on and off but was never faring enough to name them movements. We'd just call them 'gas'. So during the earlier weeks, Justin would talk to Bean sprout, asking him/her to give mommy 'gas' so that I'd know he/she was ok... But since the end of 2009, I've been feeling Bean sprout MORE!!!

Seems that in the past few days, he/she tends to move at about 7pm, right after I've had my dinner =D

The feeling is.... AMAZING!! And I really can't explain how it feels.... It's like bubbles popping inside, or something falling down inside...like a huge THUMP. =D

And this past week, Justin has been able to feel them to... when he places his hand on my abdomen, he'd be able to feel a kick or two!!! This part of pregnancy is REALLY COOL!!!! =D

Ahhhh.... I have finally found my "blissful" pregnancy. I love the second trimester!!!

Everything baby is sooo expensive!

2009-12-27T18:28:00.000-08:00

So in this last month, other than being super busy, I've been feeling GREAT! Morning sickness is far away and I've gotten a new boost of energy... But poor Justin's energy has been sucked dry by me tho... All I want to do is shop for baby stuff.. or rather window shop.

I have this checklist of essentials... the list is LONG. So the past week has been spent researching on prices, and after a week, I've lost my stamina. Every shop sells just about the same thing, and the price doesn't differ very much. So I guess we'll be getting everything under the same roof to cut down traveling.

So far we've bought:
2 Avent bottles
Medela breast pump (this is a huge blessing!)
Crib bumper and bedsheets
Clothes that would last us from 0 months to 6 months (lots of em, cause I ordered all of them over the internet, so much cheaper!)

We've been blessed with:
Crib from my aunt
Rocker from my aunt and cousin
Stemlife membership from my dad
Inflatable bath tub from my mom

What's left on the list....:
Stroller
Car seat
Play pen
Crib mattress
Changing table
Other extras

Everything baby is really very expensive, Justin's convinced the industry is prying on parents' desires to provide for their baby to the best of their abilities. Sigh...

Now what's left is for us to draw out a timeline for purchases, spreading out our purchases means lightening the load on our finances. On top of all these there's also the 4k++ for delivery charges. Amazing how expensive having a baby is.

Updates updates!

2009-12-22T17:35:00.000-08:00

Hello readers!

So so so sorry for the long absence. December is the season to be busy! I finally have time to note some interesting updates!

We're at 16/17 weeks now... Why I say 16/17 is because the last ultrasound we went for said baby was back to 16 weeks. So we're really confused, but according to the gynae, growth spurts happen and hence the differnce in due dates and gestational age. =) On the doc's side, she's still marking us as 17 weeks, but on our part, we'll stick to 16 weeks just to be safe =)

Good news from gynae, our bean sprout is now at its most stable trimester, hence she'll only need to see us once in 4 weeks. Yay! So our next checkup is on 18th Jan, which should be our 20/21 week where she'll do a comprehensive scan for abnormalities and GENDER!

Speaking of gender, she tried to take a peak at baby's genitalia this week, but baby was shy, and she only caught a slight glimpse. She wasn't confident with that glimpse to give us a conclusive boy or girl, so we'll wait till our next scan. But we're absolutely delighted with either! I already have clothes for both genders!!! By that I mean I have lots of unisex ones (yellow, brown, orange, etc) and a couple of blues for boy and pinks for girl. I couldn't resist!!! My latest purchase was a set from Carter's, blue one says "I love mommy" and on the butt, "and mommy loves me". The pink one says "I love daddy", and on the butt, "and daddy loves me". Note, it's spelt MOMMY!!!! I'm really fussy when it comes to that, it must be an O and not a U! will take a pic of the set when I get my camera back from bean sprout's daddy.

Ohh ya, as of last night, we're upped the level of bean, to bean sprout! Reason being, he/she doesn't look quite like a bean anymore (or rather, hasn't looked the bill long ago). Now he/she's got long long limbs, and is soo long CRL. So, we've added on the "sprout", hence BEAN SPROUT! The next increase in level will see sprout being changed to a stalk!! Hehehehehe. We're having fun with nicknames.... And if you're wondering about actual names, nope, we have none yet. Bean sprout daddy is holding on it till gender is confirmed and he has sudden "inspiration". Hmmmm =/

So, that's all the updates I have this time, stay tuned for more... when I find the time to? hehehehe. OOohh yes, I know I've missed out weeks of momma bumps!!!! argggg. Now I won't have a complete collection.. Sigh, but yes, the bump has finally appeared!!!! It can now be seen under loose fitting clothes!!! Like Adelene said, it has announced itself! =D Shall post that up when I get a pic of it. Hopefully this week?

Take care all!!

Ultrasound videos

2009-12-08T21:21:00.000-08:00

Finally managed to upload videos of our ultrasound scan at Week 12 & week 14. Justin captured this using our digital camera =)

.:Week 12:.
Things to look out for in this video:
Thumb sucking action, especially when the mouth opens and closes.

.:Week 14:.
Things to look out for in this video:
Two high 5s, bean's super long limbs, beating heart, brain's hemispheres.

My Pill phobia

2009-11-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

S0 I've been taking folic acid pills everyday since we started planning to have kids. This pill is a breeze to swallow because I hardly even feel its in my mouth, one gulp and it's down.

Then when I got pregnant, I started taking Progesterone pills, now they were much bigger, but the soft capsule type, so they were easy to swallow too.

Now... as I entered my 2nd trimester, gynae prescribed me prenatal supplements - Obimin, and calcium ones too... These pills....... these pills!!!!!!!!!!! I gag almost every time I swallow them. Thank God nausea is much lesser now.... If I had taken these pills in the first trimester, it would have been horrible.

I can't swallow pills very well... especially HUGE ones.. and believe me, these are HUGE for my humble swallowing ability. I just finished my once a day gagging ritual with darling hubby by my side, coaching me in the 'ways of pill swallowing'. He is an expert I tell you. But his techniques didn't quite work for me... =(

Here's a shot of the 2 pills....

The dark red one is a semi soft capsule kinda thing... so I can't half that... but I found it went down easier when I bit it in the center just to dent it into a V shape. =D

Now the yellow one is the killer.. it's HARD and THICK!!!! GRRRRRrr. So I split it into 2 with my pill splitter!! =D I really would like to split it into 4... but I'm a bit weary if that would affect anything... Some pills have a no-crushing-or-splitting-allowed policy, but I read the info sheet and nothing was mentioned, so to achieve some sort of balance between lesser gagging and weariness towards splitting the pill, I decided to half it instead of quartering it. Makes sense? Probably not.. but it sure helps with the swallowing.

Now I dread swallowing these pills... every night after dinner.... =(

But Justin reminds me every time, it's for the baby! Think of the baby!! Yes dear... I am.

I hope to finish this 30 day course, and then ask the gynae for a different brand.... actually... a smaller pill... Ohhh Lord help me!!

Gynae visits - 3

2009-11-23T17:37:00.000-08:00

Went for our week 12 checkup yesterday. Couldn't see the baby clearly as the gynae said I had lots of wind inside me which interfered with the ultrasound waves. =(

But but but, we were thrilled!!! Baby grew and is now 6.04cm crown to rump! And the head was HUGE. We also saw long long legs and nice arms and hands =D Still thumb sucking.

What greeted us on the screen was an upside down baby! Yeap, head was downwards. So interesting! With much prodding and coaxing from the doctor (or more like annoyance XD) bean squirmed and wiggled back into the regular position.

Gynae was pleased with what she saw. She said she was mainly looking out for the nice back bone (which we saw!! ), a nicely formed nose, and no swelling in the neck area. So we had 3 positives! On top of that, there was no sugar and no protein in my urine, another 2 positives!

And this time, Justin brought the camera to record a video of the ultrasound. To all mothers to be out there, bring a video cam to record those ultrasound moments, they are amazing!!

Thank You Lord for holding us through this journey. 1 trimester down, 2 more to go!! Praise the Lord!

Baby spurts - week 12

2009-11-23T17:35:00.000-08:00

Hello Week 12!!!
It's been a long journey, but I gladly wave goodbye to the first trimester! =D

Here's more info about this week from Babycenter.com

See the big picture

How your baby's growing:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. Your baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, his toes will curl, his eye muscles will clench, and his mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if you prod your abdomen, your baby will squirm in response, although you won't be able to feel it. His intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into his abdominal cavity about now, and his kidneys will begin excreting urine into his bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in your baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. His face looks unquestionably human: His eyes have moved from the sides to the front of his head, and his ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, your baby-to-be is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

See what your baby looks like this week. (Or see what fraternal twins look like in the womb this week.)

Note: Every baby develops a little differently, even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

Your uterus has grown to the point where your healthcare provider can now feel the top of it (the fundus) low in your abdomen, just above your pubic bone. You may already be into maternity clothes, especially if this isn't your first pregnancy. If you're still fairly small and not yet ready for maternity clothes, you've no doubt noticed that your waist is thickening and that you're more comfortable in loose, less restrictive clothing.

You may begin to feel heartburn (also called acid indigestion), a burning sensation that often extends from the bottom of your breastbone to your lower throat. Many women get heartburn for the first time during pregnancy, and those who've previously had bouts of heartburn may find that it gets worse. During pregnancy, the placenta produces a lot of the hormone progesterone, which relaxes the valve that separates the esophagus from the stomach. Particularly when you're lying down, gastric acid can seep back up the pipe, which causes the uncomfortable burning sensation. For many women the problem doesn't begin (or get worse) until later in pregnancy, when your growing uterus starts to push up on your stomach. The discomfort may range from mildly annoying to intense and distracting.

Momma bump - 11 weeks

2009-11-20T19:52:00.001-08:00

Week 11!

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Momma bump - 10 weeks

2009-11-20T19:49:00.001-08:00

Hello...

This is late I know. =)

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Baby Spurts - week 11

2009-11-18T03:31:00.000-08:00

Hellooooo Week 11!

Entered week 11 last Saturday. Here's what's happening to the baby bean!

See the big picture

How your baby's growing:

The fetus CRL is about 1.5 inches (35mm) in size.
The fingers and toes have completely separated.
The taste buds are starting to develop.
Baby has tooth buds, the beginning of the complete set of 20 milk teeth.
Baby can swallow and stick out his or her tongue.
Whole body except tongue is sensitive to touch.
Cartilage now calcifying to become bone.
If it is a boy, the testicles are starting to produce the testosterone hormone.

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long and about the size of a fig, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.

She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

See what your baby looks like this week.

Note: Every baby develops a little differently — even in the womb. Our information is designed to give you a general idea of your baby's development.

How your life's changing:

If you're like most women, you're feeling a bit more energetic now and your nausea may be starting to wane. Unfortunately, you may also be suffering from constipation (caused by hormonal changes, which can slow digestion) and heartburn (hormones again, relaxing the valve between your stomach and esophagus). Just remember, all this discomfort is for a good cause.

Don't worry if nausea has made it impossible for you to eat a wide variety of healthy foods or if you haven't put on much weight yet (most women gain just 2 to 5 pounds during the first trimester). Your appetite will likely return soon, and you'll start to gain about a pound a week.

Learn which of your symptoms are normal and which are a sign that something might be wrong. You're probably also wondering things like, Can I keep going to dance class? Could the air bags in my car hurt my baby? Which cold medications are safe to take now? Find out what's safe and what's not during pregnancy.

Grace-filled journey

When I am weak

The decision

And the culprit is.....

Remembering Grace

Sick logs... September - November 2011

After a loooooong break

So very true!

Dadeeeeeeee

Sick logs... updated

Sick logs... (?)

And she turns ONE!

Babbles

Easiyo Real Yogurt Maker - the review

Constipation battle part III

Easiyo Real Yogurt Maker

Constipation battle part II

Of constipation and drinking water

Miek miek

Becoming a Kiasu mommy??

First Photoshoot with Uncle Juan

Couple time = minimal

Hmm...

Renovation Works in Progress!

Official Business - MyKid registration and name alteration

An update... finally

Guilt Stricken

Wow Wee!

I'm an Exclusively Pumping Mommy.

Mommy Diaries Entry 2

The Mommy Diary - Entry 1: Week 3

The Personal God

How it all happened

She's finally here!

"Final" day off

My Feet!!!! *Gasps*

Baby Spurts - week 34

Welcome Week 34!

How your baby's growing:

How your life's changing:

Momma Bump - 33 & 34 weeks

Darn those Hormones!!

The CTG Experience

Feeling a little teary-eyed

Momma bump - week 31

Baby Registry is Officially Open!

Things people don't talk about

Baby Spurts - Week 31

Week 31

How your baby's growing:

How your life's changing:

The fun stuff: CLOTHES!!!

Making waves on my Tummy

Becoming a father

One Year Later

Baby Spurts - Week 30

How your baby's growing:

How your life's changing:

Whale-ly Updates 15

Momma bump - 29 weeks

Magical moments

Of Fears and Guilt...

Jazzy baby?

Whale-ly Updates 14

Baby Spurts - Week 29

Week 29, we're here!

How your baby's growing:

How your life's changing:

Momma bump - 28 weeks

Motherhood expo + holes in our pockets

Full Term?

Whale-ly Updates 14

Baby Spurts - Week 28

Week 28 (Hello 3rd Trimester)

How your baby's growing:

How your life's changing:

Momma bump - 27 weeks

Baby Spurts - Week 27

Week 27

How your baby's growing:

My Feet!!!! Gasps